INFO for Families

I.N.F.O. for Families Has Moved! New Link Below.

We have recently launched a new version of INFO for Families. We are still in the process of getting all the url links to push people to the new site, so if you have ended up here, you're in the wrong place.

We have previously used Typepad for our blog platform, but now we have moved to Squarespace. Hopefully, we will get the simple www.infoforfamilies.com link up and running, but you can go directly there by using the Squarespace address at

https://infoforfamilies.squarespace.com/

We hope to have all the glitches removed and the links working correctly very soon. Hope to see you at the new site!

 

Help a Brother Out. I Need Your Feedback...

ATTENTION ALL PARENTS!

I'm about two-thirds of the way through my book project designed to help parents talk about sex, relationships, and dating with their children and teenagers. (Spoiler alert: you probably need to talk sooner, more often, and in more detail than you currently are doing.)

As I get into the home stretch, I would love some feedback. I want to make sure I'm addressing the most relevant issues that parents are facing. That said, here are some questions:

*Where do you need the most help regarding these issues?
*What topics concern you the most?
*Where do you see your kids struggling?

Either post some feedback here or send me an email if you want to keep things private. And feel free to "like" the comments of other people if something resonates with you.

Thanks for your help!

True Parenting Confessions

This is a post well-suited to the imperfect and normal parent in all of us...the parent who regularly feels like a failure while everyone else has it going on.

I came across a post on MSN that includes several common True Parenting Confessions. You'll probably recognize a few. The one about using "TV as a Babysitter" or the honest confession that you might occasionally miss your life before kids are jarringly honest. 

If anything the list should serve as an encouragement that you're not alone in your imperfections. We all have daily struggles with out kids. Each of the confessions includes a few insights from "experts" to help you to move in the right direction with your struggles.

One thing the (secular) article fails to mention is the simple reality that we can't parent effectively without spiritual help. Raising a little person into a functional adult it too great of a task. We desperately need the power of God to do in us what we cannot do on our own. We would do well to daily confess our shortcomings to the One who loves us and promises to come alongside us as we aim for His very best in our families.

So what is your true parenting confession? What is God telling you to do about it?

 

Parents are Cowards

This SuperBowl commercial was funny and well-made, but it demonstrates just how cowardly many parents are. We are afraid to tell our kids the truth about something that God made to be awesome.

 

Being honest with our kids doesn't mean we have to give every little bit of detail, but we do need to tell them the truth. Simple answers to simple questions are usually enough to satisfy a child's curiosity. That means you don't have to give complex details about ovulation and fertilization to a five year old. Keep it as simple as: "when mommies and daddies love one another in a special way, God sometimes puts a baby inside the mommy's tummy."

Giving our kids stories about storks or places like Babylandia just proves our cowardice.

I'm putting some more details about that kind of thing into a book I've been working on for the past year. Pray I can get it finished this Spring!

Dads on the Receiving End of a Wedgie

It's always interesting when God uses a commercial to inspire a blog post. Have you seen this Volkswagen ad? If you haven't, you need to. I think it's Super Bowl Sunday caliber material...

 

You can also see it on YouTube here: Volkswagen Passat Commercial: Toss

Here's a news flash for every person who knows me well: I am not an athlete. While I can enjoy a friendly game of basketball or volleyball, sports are not my forte. I grew up usually being picked last in gym. I got the rare privilege of being picked second-to-last on those days when Richard Feinstein, who had a chronic lung disorder, came to school.

The net result is that when wedgies were being handed out in the locker room, I was more likely to be on the receiving end than the giving end. (Ha! I said "end!") It wasn't a regular occurrence, but I have at least one memory of the experience, dished out by a couple of friends who thought it was funny.

Thankfully, I got through middle and high school with my self-worth intact (praise Jesus...literally) and was able to enter adulthood without too many emotional scars. While my lack of sports ability may have stunted my social development by a few months, I know now that it ultimately doesn't matter. More important, there are lessons my parents taught me back then that matter now far more than my ability to do well on a men's softball team.

Here's something that the commercial above reminds me of that every dad needs to remember: "There are way more important things than teaching your kids to excel at sports." While there's nothing more sentimental and beautiful than a father and son playing catch, it is still just that: a game. If a father's greatest contribution to his son or daughter's growth is athletic skill, than he has put his efforts into something that ultimately doesn't matter.

Years ago, I did a survey of a bunch of teenagers, asking them what their parents' passion was. My theory was that a parent's passion would be the most clear life lessons that their kids would get. One student replied that "My father's passion is my football career. He never misses one of my games." While I appreciate this father's interest in his son's sports life, I wonder if the dad worked hard to teach life lessons, as well. Yes, he made sure his son stayed focused on physical discipline, but did he encourage his son to be spiritually disciplined? To see his worth in Christ beyond his success on the field?

So back to the lesson from the commercial: even if you're a terrible athlete, you can still be a great dad. You have so much to give, so much to teach, so much to invest in the next generation. The great thing is that when you deliberately plant seeds of faith and a Christ-centered worldview in your kids, you eventually get to see the fruit down the road.

A few days ago, I got to sit on my couch beside my 20 year old daughter and son-in-law, staring in wonder at my grandson as he shifted, moved, and danced just beneath Lindsey's belly. (He's due to arrive in about 2 months.) I got a little misty-eyed as I told them that nothing could make me more proud or blessed than to see my children walking in obedience to God, and preparing to raise a child to do the same. Sniff, sniff.

Dads, even if you throw a ball like a girl...even if you were the guy on the receiving end of the wedgies in middle school, you have so much to give your kids. Lead them well with biblical wisdom as your guide. Love them unconditionally, showing and telling them every day how much you value them. Model for them the Spirit-filled life that makes every day an adventure. This is what imperfect and normal dads like us do for our kids. When we do, that's when our perfect and extraordinary God shows up and does something incredible.

 

Finally, A Christ-Honoring Approach to Talking About Homosexuality

With so many voices raging in the public square about gay marriage, the result is typically a polarization of the parties involved, usually stirred up by false assumptions and an unwillingness to actually listen to those with whom we disagree. The ultimate result is the demonization of those who we are opposed to. That rarely helps.

Religious conservatives (most of whom rarely interact with anyone from the homosexual community) make broad generalizations about what "they" are like. Those from a more liberal bent assume that all evangelical Christians hate gays, even though they spend very little time getting to know the compassionate people gathered on Sunday mornings in the Bible belt. The problem is that we rarely get together to talk and listen to one another.

There are some encouraging things that suggest a shift might be underway. Focus on the Family President Jim Daly is working overtime to change the reputation of that stereotyped organization. His new book, Re-Focus is more than just a play on words. It is a clear message to the church that we must stop putting issues over people. Certainly, there are principles that God's Word demands that we cling to, but we must not ever stop reaching out in love to a world who may not embrace those values. And when we are known more for what we are against than the love of Jesus, then something is terribly wrong.

I was so encouraged by something I read today. It was an article written by Shane Windmeyer on Huffington Post called Dan and Me: My Coming Out as a Friend of Dan Cathy and Chick-fil-A. Shane is key leader of the LGBT community on college campuses around the nation. In the article, he describes the friendship he has developed with Dan Cathy over the past several months. PLEEAAASE take a few minutes to read it, as I feel it is an excellent example of the way things should be.

Will you join me in praying that conservatives don't give Cathy a hard time for reaching out to this man? And would you pray that the LGBT community doesn't give Windmeyer grief for their friendship? Instead of seeing either of their actions as a compromise, may we see them as the model for how we can agree to disagree on issues but still treat one another with love, empathy, and respect.

As you discuss this issue in your home with your kids, don't compromise on what you feel the Scripture teaches. But also don't forget that Jesus said a whole lot more about loving others than He did about their sexual orientation. Both are important; but our sinful, prideful hearts are always prone to getting things out of balance.

We Need a Cruise...So We're Taking One

 

It was sunny in Atlanta today for the first time in what feels like several weeks. We've had enough cold, wet, miserable winter weather to make me yearn for someplace warm and sunny. Jenifer and I even went to a tropical-feeling restaurant last night called Bahama Breeze in a fruitless attempt to experience the vibe of the islands. While it was nice to be alone with Jen for a few hours, our escape didn't work. It was still cold and wet when we went outside. Boo.

While summer is still a good ways off, we are getting geared up for something later in the year that promises to satisfy a whole lot better than our date last night. We're going on a cruise!

But not just any cruise. It's The Marriage Boat, a six night Royal Caribbean cruise in late September that will sail to Bermuda from Baltimore. What's great is that it will have all the features of a traditional cruise along with a few special components to build your marriage. There will be plenty of "you" time to spend with your spouse, but also some additional times of directed coaching designed to give renew the spark in your marriage.

Jenifer and I have been invited to be a part of the teaching team and we can't be more excited. After all, it's a cruise! What's not to love?!

If you're interested in joining us, check out the links above. They have some great payment plans to spread the cost out over the next six or eight months, so it's pretty easy to pull off.

I truly wish I was standing over your shoulder as you read this. If I was, I would definitely be singing the Love Boat Theme Song in your ear right now. You can hear it, can't you?

 

 

I Can't Believe THIS TRUTH was Declared on Oprah

This clip is making the rounds on Facebook and it absolutely amazing. Given that most of what Oprah espouses on her shows and network is the typical "all roads lead to God" nonsense, this is truly refreshing. Rick Warren tees it up pretty nice but Nick Vujicic brings the truth.

I'm not sure who posted this on YouTube, so I don't know who officially owns the rights to it, so thanks to OWN for broadcasting it and for extending grace to all of us who are sharing it. While the quality is pretty bad, the content is terrific.

I particularly like his word to parents about the need to keep pursuing your kids' hearts: "When your teenager hears you say 'You're beautiful' and they put a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on their door, I want you to respect that...but go through their window." I love that.

 

Want to See the Results of Adultery? Head to Your Local Theater.

Jen and I went to the movies on a Tuesday night this week, something we rarely do. In our desire for a little escape from the real world, we chose the artsy-fartsy period drama Anna Karenina. We knew that it was based on a famous Russian novel, but not much more than that. Call us uncultured.

I can't say that I enjoyed it all that much, but I will say that it was a great movie. It was great because it offered a graphic depiction of what happens when one listens to the "follow your heart" drivel that the world sells people today. So it wasn't fun to watch (I had a hard time rooting for anyone), but it was very true.

The plot is far too detailed for me to describe, but I will summarize it this way: Anna Karenina beautifully displays the reality that when you walk away from your marriage and choose to be unfaithful, you blow up your own life and destroy everyone else's around you. For that, I appreciated the film. It pulled no punches. For that reason alone, I would recommend you see it. For parents who want to demonstrate to their older teens the stupidity of the "follow your heart" message when it runs contrary to the wisdom of scripture, I would recommend it, as well. There are a few sensual scenes that you should avoid (let's all go get some popcorn!), but I think the R rating comes mainly from a graphic scene of a bloody train accident.

You can read a great detailed review at Plugged In that offers some great insights. It might be a terrific DVD rental in a few months.

A Movie You MUST See

Research tells us and my daily observations affirm that there is little difference between those whose lives have been marked by Christ and those whose lives have not. The way that many in the body of Christ think, live, and spend gives little indication that we are any different than the world. 

But there is an opportunity for ministry right under our noses that just might demonstrate to the world that we care about more than ourselves. It is found in simply caring for and meeting the needs of orphans. If the church chooses to address this great need, it will reflect the heart of our God like nothing else can. It is even rooted in scripture: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27)

With that in mind, I want to invite you to a free movie event in Atlanta on Friday, January 25th.

An organization called Unthinkable has created Faultless: The American Orphan, a full-length documentary. It was made in partnership with the Christian Alliance for Orphans for the purpose of inspiring and equipping Christ’s followers to more deeply love and care for orphans for the glory of God.

Using a mix of adoptive/foster parents, children from the system, and a variety of experts providing commentary along the way, Faultless was developed to engage people who are currently not engaged in the process of caring for the fatherless. Among many other topics, the film discusses aging out (when a child turns too old to remain in the system), the importance of church and state collaboration, the need for more African-American parents, and the fears adoptive families face. All of the topics in the film are covered through the lens of the Gospel with explicit motivation from James 1:27.

Lifesong For Orphans will be there with a table set up and staff to address any questions. Bethany Christian Services will also have staff on site. Jim Watterson, the JF staff member leading our orphan care ministry will also offer an optional panel discussion of foster and adoptive parents for people who want to hear more. Childcare will not be provided however, vouchers ($5 per hour) for babysitting will be issued if needed, but we encourage you to bring your older children and teenagers.

This all happens at Johnson Ferry Baptist Church on Friday, Jan. 25, 2013 in the Student Center. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. The event starts promptly at 7:00 p.m. Please join us for a movie that every American Christian MUST see.

 

A Dance to "Cinderella" at My Daughter's Wedding

I think my favorite, most treasured moment from Lindsey's wedding last summer was the father/daughter dance. This is odd, since everyone who knows me knows that I have absolutely no dance skills. Zero. 

What I DO have is the honor of having three daughters: Lindsey (the bride), Emilie (the teenager), and Maddie Kate (the preschooler). I have always loved the wonderfully tear-jerking song "Cinderella," but we had an "a-ha" moment about three months before Lindsey's June wedding. After dinner one night, Emilie pointed out that I have three daughters that fit perfectly into the three verses of Steven Curtis Chapman's song. As I played the tune on my phone as we did the dishes, I found myself crying like a baby. I knew we were on to something.

*If you don't know the song, you really should. Each verse describes a daughter asking her dad to help her to practice her dancing: a preschooler who is dreaming about being a princess at "the ball." A teenager who has been asked to the prom. And finally, a young woman who is getting ready to get married. In each case, the dad takes time to "dance with Cinderella, while she is still in my arms." Sniff-sniff.

Fast forward to Lindsey's wedding this summer. It was a beautiful ceremony and God was all over it. My part was easy...at least until we got to the reception. After Lindsey and my new son-in-law made their entrance and had a dance, me and the girls were up.

The plan was for Maddie Kate to dance around by herself for the first verse. She would then come and get me for the chorus and off we would go. We practiced and everything. But once the room filled up with 400 guests, the four year-old got stage fright. I was forced to carry her. Both literally and figuratively. I was hoping that my horrible dancing abilities would be hidden by her cuteness, but no such luck. I had to actually move a bit. I was clearly out of my comfort zone, but it turned out okay. For verse two, Emilie took over quite nicely. By the time the bride had her turn (and everybody was sniffing back tears, including me) we had found our groove. It was probably my favorite part of one of my favorite days ever.

It's a big honor to be a dad, especially to daughters. They need their dads at every step along the way. They need us to guard them, guide them, and especially to unconditionally love them. And they do grow up so very fast. Trust me on this, guys. That girl I walked down the aisle was just a newborn a few years ago.

 

If you have a daughter, take advantage of every chance you get to love her and to laugh with her. And don't forget to dance with her. Because all too soon, the clock will strike midnight...and she'll be gone.

 

The Cotton Bowl, A Heisman Trophy Winner, and What Really Matters

It is a common sight in the fall and early winter, yet here in the south it always stirs something powerful in us:

A huge stadium filled with screaming college students, all passionate about the same thing: a win for their side. They shout with joy and sing their songs when there is victory. They cry tears and and look on in horror when there is defeat. The emotion they feel is real, even life-changing. Because what they witness in that stadium is important to them. By the way they talk and live, you get the impression that nothing else matters. What they encounter in that arena erected to the glory of sport marks them powerfully. They will most likely grow old, still talking about the glory days, hoping to experience them again in the seasons to come.

I have experienced this personally as a graduate of Texas A&M and as a long-time Aggie football fan. As my team (and it's much-lauded Heisman trophy winner, Johnny Manziel) get ready to play Oklahoma in the Cotton Bowl tonight, I cannot deny my excitement. I will be watching the game with great anticipation. If we win, I will celebrate. If we lose, I will be sad. The emotion will likely stay with me for several weeks.

I also witness the impact that college football has on the people around me. As one who pastors young adults at a large church, I can say that literally 97% of the small talk on any given Sunday between August and November will be related to college football. And the talk is passionate. If someone from another country who doesn't know a thing about Christianity walked into our small groups on Sunday morning, I'm sure they would think that "turnovers" and "pass coverage" were key components of our faith.

But something entirely different happened with college students in a stadium this week. And it had nothing to do with football and everything to do with Jesus.

Here in Atlanta, 60,000 students gathered at the Georgia Dome for Passion for four days. They were from all over the world and represented more than 2,000 different college campuses. Their energy and passion were not focused on moving a football down the field but solely on God's name and renown. They shouted and sang for joy at how great Jesus is, inviting Him to work and move powerfully in their lives. But they also felt great sadness in the face of loss: specifically, the reality that there are 27 million people in slavery in our world today, more than at any time in history. Many of these college kids devoted themselves to partnering with organizations who are working towards freedom.

These kids gathered for a reason: to lift high the name of Jesus, to discover God's will for this earth, and to commit their lives to something that matters. From the stories I have heard from my own kids that went, their encounter with God will mark them for life.

I know this is true from my own experience. Every day, Jenifer and I get to see the lasting impact of the Passion movement in our 12 year old son, Drew. It was at the very first Passion in Austin, Texas 15 years ago where we both heard God telling us that our lives were meant for His glory. Period. And that He was going to use our children for His glory. And we needed to have more kids. Drew was the immediate fruit of our obedience. (We almost named him "Louie" after Passion founder Louie Giglio, but we just couldn't do it.)

We have all heard preachers say that we should have the same devotion to God that we have to our football team. They say that we should bring the same passion and emotion to church on Sunday that we take to the stadium on Saturday. They say it because it's true.

Think about it.

How much personal energy have you spent on your team this fall? In contrast, how much energy have you focused on making Jesus' name great in your world? What has He done for you? How do you cherish and celebrate that? How do you express your thankfulness and gratitude to Him? How do you speak of Him to others?

Consider how much emotion you have spent on the tragedy of your team's losing season this year (or by a close loss to a rival)? Now compare that to how broken you have been over the fact that 27 million people made in God's image are in captivity? Or that there are people all around us who are in spiritual bondage simply because they do not know the Christ that you know? Our perspective is so messed up.

I am encouraged by the fact that sixty thousand college kids put things into perspective over these last few days in a giant stadium at Passion. Like Isaiah, they have been marked by their encounter with God. I will be praying that it marks them for life and changes them forever.

As for me, you can bet that I will be gathered with other Texans in front of the TV tonight, cheering on my Aggies in the Cotton Bowl with intense emotion. I won't deny that. But whether we win or lose, I can know that it really doesn't matter. It's just a football game. Compared to what is happening in our world, it is of absolutely no consequence.

May our hearts and lives be moved by what DOES matter: the cross of Christ and His movement to use His church to redeem His world. No matter what happens on Friday, we can confidently and passionately celebrate the risen Lord on Sunday.