INFO for Families

Conscience or Contraception

If you haven't been following some of the issues related to President Obama's mandate regarding insurance and contraception, you might be missing one of the critical issues of our day. It has implications to both the lives of the unborn and the separation of church and state.

Here are two great articles that might bring you up to speed.

From Focus on the Family:

http://connect.focusonthefamily.com/aprimo/OutboundMessage.aspx?O=9c7c3f80ecc928a516d99692902deb17&T=8be45211f056cdd1&D=b9ca57b2fbe8cb42458807853387983f6a0f6be5ccdab113&M=b333208886639fd5&MSGID=057df98541b2de8068fdb5c51a0785cae4bbc58b7da62c2f&A=375590af364e332f142234c8b8ab306b&R=3a26543ac5f07bfd14ecbfc1b4632bc7

From The Washington Post (and featuring my pastor, Bryant Wright):

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/guest-voices/post/why-baptists-stand-wtih-catholics-on-birth-control-mandate/2012/02/22/gIQA1RpATR_blog.html

Infograph: Stats on the State of Sex in America Today

Maybe Your Child Shouldn't Go to College

Now that there are three (almost four) teenagers in my house, thoughts of "what happens after high school" are often in my head. We want to provide our kids with every opportunity to experience God's best for their lives, so a four-year college education is a non-negotiable component of that, right? 

Maybe.

While college is the right choice for many kids, we cannot assume that it is a requirement for a young person to be in God's will. In fact, it's possible that the typical college experience might be counter-productive to a person growing in Godliness. Before you start sending me emails with "Heresy!" in the subject line, I'd like to invite you to read a short article written by Marvin Olasky of World Magazine.

It made me think carefully about my motives for sending my kids to college and offered some different possibilities to consider. Again, this is just food for thought. I'd welcome your comments.

Here's the link for the article. "College Bubble: Advice for many students and parents: explore non-college options."

Fun Friday - For Imperfect and Normal Dads

Let's face it dads, we're under a lot of pressure. We have to work hard, provide for our families, love our wives with passion, lead our children to maturity, and constantly re-focus our minds on things that really matter in life.

But then something breaks at home and we feel the additional pressure of being "Mr. Fix-It." For some guys out there, this excites you. Somehow, you developed all the skills necessary to repair all the broken things in your house. For most guys, however, fixing things around the house can leave you out of your element. It scares you because there is a very high likelihood that the situation will reveal your shortcomings in an area that you feel you should be confident.

If that's you, then this highly technical flow-chart just might be the solution to all your handy-man issues. It's simple to use and requires only a few key "tools" that can be easily acquired at your local home improvement store.

For me, it was a great encouragement. I printed out a large copy and hung it in my garage so I can refer to it the next time something breaks at my house.

You Didn't Marry the Right Person

I can't tell you how many times I have heard people in difficult marriages say the exact same thing:

"I think I married the wrong person."

It's proof that our culture has embraced the lie that somewhere out there is a "soul-mate" that God made just for them to make them blissfully happy for life. Most of the people I hear talking about marrying the wrong person are Christ-followers, so the church is not free of this thinking. In fact, I think it's in the church even worse than the world.

Why? Perhaps it's because we assume that God's mission in life is to make us happy and comfortable.

Forget the commands of God about commitment and fidelity and even of enduring difficult times (even in marriage). Forget the clear directives of God about what we must DO to build a strong marriage. Forget that God's goal is His own glory and not our happiness. 

Instead, our focus tends to land solely upon this: "God's desire is for me to be happy, so joy in my marriage should be effortless. If things are difficult, I must have missed God's will in marrying this bonehead. The only way for me to get back into God's will is to dump this wrong guy and go find the right one." Of course, this requires us to disobey God's will (divorce) to find God's will (our soul-mate). It's crazy.

Please note: I believe God is sovereign in all things, so yes, that means that He foreknew who you were going to marry. And if that's true, then it means He predestined who you were to marry. (My head hurts when I try to process these things.) However, that's God's perspective, not yours. You are not God and therefore don't have the luxury of trying to decide who "God's man or woman for you is." Your responsibility is to obey what He gives you in His Word.

Here's what you CAN know: the one you married is the one you married. And it's likely that, from your perspective, you sometimes feel like you married the wrong one. But God is with you and He desires to show you how only He can redeem even the most difficult of circumstances.

If you're concerned that you and your spouse aren't compatible, then welcome to the club. I have encountered very few couples who could honestly say that they were fully compatible with one another. In fact, many smart people are now saying that compatibility is a myth. (None of these people are named Neil Clark Warren.)

There's a brief excerpt from Timothy Keller's new book "The Meaning of Marriage" that covers this topic quite nicely. You can read it here: You Never Marry the Right Person. He's a smart guy. You should listen to him.

 

 

 

Just in Time for Valentine's Day...

Heads up, people...Valentine's Day is tomorrow. (This is an alert mainly for the fellas...you ladies are already well aware of Tuesday's significance.)

Just in time for the day, FamilyLife has published some great resources on their "Family Room" website. There are articles about sex, romance, and even some creative ways to say "I love you" in a digital world.

If you need some ideas for jump-starting the passionate part of your marriage, it's not a bad place to start.

Head on over to The Family Room.

Get a Free E-Book! "40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate"

This is a great book by an amazing couple. And it's free!

Just in time for Valentine's Day, Tyndale is offering a free download of Gary and Barb Rosberg's "40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate." This is a wonderful book with all sorts of meaningful ideas to breathe some life into your dating life. It's an incredible cure for the "dinner and a movie" blues.

A recent study flagged by USA Today suggests that couples who date regularly have greater marital satisfaction and better sex lives.

Did I mention that the book is free? It could serve as a great resource for you to pull up ideas on a date-by-date basis.

For another quick plug, Gary Rosberg will be joining us for our Johnson Ferry Couples Retreat in mid-March. He's a good friend and one of my heroes in the ministry.

Here's the link for the free download: 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate.

Fun Family Friday - Amazing Commuter Family

I'm trying to add a little levity (and variety) to INFO for Families. My biggest idea (after about seven seconds of thought) is to introduce "Fun Family Friday." Yes, it's a goofy name, but I wanted to be crystal clear as to what it is. It's fun. It's related to family. It happens on Friday. 'Nuff said.

Fridays are usually happy days, so I'm doing my part to celebrate by making them 1.9% even more happy for you, my faithful readers. I will aim to post something related to family life that will (hopefully) make you smile. Today's entry should do the trick.

 

AN AMAZING COMMUTER FAMILY*

When my family of seven piles into our faithful Toyota Sienna minivan for a road trip, we feel crowded. But after seeing this family of nine in action, I have a new-found appreciation of my van's spacious comfort. 

I wonder if the poor girl in front lost a game of rock/paper/scissors with her siblings and thus had to serve as the windshield for the rest of the family. I wonder if the woman on back is looking ahead for danger...and if she sees any, what on earth she plans to do about it. I wonder if the writing on the bucket says "Graco."

Please comment with suggested captions for this photo. I'd love to hear what you come up with.

On an entirely unrelated note, I'd like to invite you to become a subscriber to INFO for Families. Just think, many casual readers missed seeing this incredible picture, but our hundreds of faithful subscribers had it delivered directly to their inbox.

If you'd like to recieve a regular dose of insight for YOUR Imperfect and Normal Family, simply enter your email in the box on the left-hand column of the blog. We promise not to spam you or anything. After all, I'm a computer idiot. I wouldn't have any idea how to do that anyway.

*Compliments of ParentFails.com.

Say "I Love You." But Don't Be Boring.

Are you running out of ideas for a creative Valentine's Day? Here's a great list from Relevant Magazine of simple and novel ideas, all designed to show your sweetheart how crazy in love you are.

Use these ideas for Valentine's Day. Or use them throughout the year.

29 Creative Ways to Say "I Love You."

Another idea would be to take them on a night away. If you live in Atlanta, we have just the thing for you.

Jenifer and I have learned that the best thing we can do to stay connected with one another is to regularly go away by ourselves. We arrange for childcare for our kids, book a nice hotel on Priceline, and spend 24 hours remembering why we fell in love in the first place. This practice has sustained the joy in our marriage, particularly during these child-focused years.

I want to invite you to Johnson Ferry's Celebration of Marriage Retreat, March 16-17. Held this year at the beautiful J. W. Marriott Buckhead, the weekend will feature an evening of dancing and dessert with live music and a DJ - it's sort of like a prom for adults where the church encourages you to sleep with your date. ;-) Saturday morning will feature a buffet breakfast and a few hours of excellent marriage enrichment with Dr. Gary Rosberg of America's Family Coaches. He will challenge and inspire you to finding God's best in your marriage. The rest of the day is yours to spend alone with your spouse. It's going to be an awesome 24 hours.

Registration is now open at the Celebration of Marriage link on the Johnson Ferry website. With Valentine's Day just a few days away, I think it's a great gift to give your spouse. It you are like me, quality time together is what is missing most in your marriage.

We hope you can join us!

The Death of Pretty

In the story of the Emperor's New Clothes, one bold child spoke the truth about a situation that everyone else was willing to ignore. "The king is naked!" Everyone knew it was true but their pride and cowardice led them to go along with everybody else.

Along those lines, I love it when somebody writes something that resonates with the truth in all of us and confronts a glaring lie that we have inadvertently accepted as normal.  It usually takes the form of an astute observation that makes us all go, "Yeah, he's exactly right."

"The king is naked."

Pat Archbold of the National Catholic Register wrote just such piece back in December. It has made its way around the web, so, of course, it has found its way to INFO for Families. In "The Death of Pretty," I was encouraged because, as a father of three daughters, it let me know that I am not alone in my perspective. As someone who often feels like the only guy who is concerned about the culture in which our daughters are being raised, I am blessed to know that there are others who notice, as well.

Below if the full text of his essay "The Death of Pretty." Thank you, Pat Archbold, for saying it so well...

-Barrett

 

This post is intended as a lament of sorts, a lament for something in the culture that is dying and may never been seen again.

Pretty, pretty is dying.

People will define pretty differently.  For the purposes of this piece, I define pretty as a mutually enriching balanced combination of beauty and projected innocence.

Once upon a time, women wanted to project an innocence.  I am not idealizing another age and I have no illusions about the virtues of our grandparents, concupiscence being what it is.  But some things were different in the back then.  First and foremost, many beautiful women, whatever the state of their souls, still wished to project a public innocence and virtue.  And that combination of beauty and innocence is what I define as pretty.

One Amazing Grandfather

I have to tell you a great story about the power of our words and about how the potential of our influence on the generations that follow us is absolutely limitless.

    

Back in early December, a gentleman came into my office asking for some ideas. He and his wife were hosting their kids and grandkids for Christmas and, as a loving grandfather, wanted to think of some way to make their time memorable and significant. His wife had heard me do a children's sermon the Sunday before about the little town of Bethlehem having a big part to play in the Christmas story, and he thought there might be some way to tie that in...but he just wasn't sure.

    

I encouraged him to gather his grandchildren around and take a moment to speak a word of blessing over each of them. He thought that was a pretty good idea. We shook hands, said goodbye, and I didn't think about it again.

    

Last week, he sent me the following note. I must confess that I got a little misty-eyed as I read it.

    

Barrett,

 

Hope you are doing well.  I wanted to follow up with a report on how our family Christmas went this year. 

 

Christmas 2011 was going to be different for us since two of our three grown children and 8 or our 10 grandkids were going to be with us for Christmas Day in Atlanta.  This was unusual since most years they were either out of the country or visiting their in-laws for Christmas.  It was to be an exciting event for us in the Greene household.

 

We didn't want to let the event pass without a special Christmas Spiritual emphasis.  We had done this when our own kids were growing up but it had been a long time since we were all together at Christmas and we were looking for something that would be meaningful for all of us.   My wife, Sylvia had heard your Children's Sermon in church about Jesus being born in the small town of Bethlehem.  She suggested I talk with you about it and get some ideas.  You were most helpful and I appreciated your help and insight.

 

On Christmas morning, we called all the grandkids together and began by the oldest grandchild Parker, reading the Christmas story-----he first read it in English, then in Spanish, which he speaks fluently since living 10 years in Guatemala, where his parents started Young Life in Guatemala City.  That was a big hit with the kids.  We then told the story about Jesus coming from Bethlehem-----a tiny, insignificant town with nothing really going on.  Yet, the King of Kings was born there!   As you did in the Children's Sermon in church, we told them that although they may feel small and insignificant, they are certainly significant in the eyes of God.  They can say a word or take a stand for Christ in school, on the baseball team, wherever they may be, no matter their size.

 

The kids were getting a bit "antsy" by this time, eager to get into their presents, but the best part was about to happen.  I told them that just as God has given us Jesus as a gift, He also gave each of us individual gifts that are special and can be used in the lives of others.   I went around to each child and told about the special gift that their Grandmother and I have seen in them--------the oldest grandson has the gift of fairness and a sense of doing things right----he shows this in the way he treats his parents and his brothers.   Next was the oldest granddaughter, Sarah, whose gift is a kind and loving heart for people-----all who know her say this about her.

 

By the time I had finished with the second child, I noticed that the "antsiness" had gone-----they were all on the edge of their seat to see what I was going to say about their gift.  It was a real time of encouragement for each child---they loved the positive words about them as a person.  Our seven year old Katie was wide eyed when I told her she would be a great mother some day because she took such good care of her little dog, Pepper.  She loved it.

 

After talking about each child, we ended with a short prayer and then got on to opening the presents.  It was a great time for us as parents and grandparents and I know it was meaningful to the grandkids as well.  

-David

 

How awesome is that? I love it!

Parents, don't ever think that your influence decreases as your kids (and grandkids) get older. It doesn't decrease...it just changes. Be sure to seek God in how you can "roll with the changes." 

Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales

As someone who tries to push you to the "best of the web" of marriage and family issues, I really should try to stay ahead of the curve on content. If a video or some specific content goes "viral," you would think that I would get in on the ground floor. That's not always the case.

There are some things that everybody has seen before me and I am very late to the party. But there are some things with such good content that I can't NOT post it here, just in case you haven't stumbled upon it yet.

The following video is just such an example. It has had millions of hits on Youtube in the past week so it is likely you have already seen it and shared it with others. Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales is a spoken word poem by the same guy who blew up with his outstanding rant on Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus.

Enjoy...