INFO for Families

Get a Free E-Book! "40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate"

This is a great book by an amazing couple. And it's free!

Just in time for Valentine's Day, Tyndale is offering a free download of Gary and Barb Rosberg's "40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate." This is a wonderful book with all sorts of meaningful ideas to breathe some life into your dating life. It's an incredible cure for the "dinner and a movie" blues.

A recent study flagged by USA Today suggests that couples who date regularly have greater marital satisfaction and better sex lives.

Did I mention that the book is free? It could serve as a great resource for you to pull up ideas on a date-by-date basis.

For another quick plug, Gary Rosberg will be joining us for our Johnson Ferry Couples Retreat in mid-March. He's a good friend and one of my heroes in the ministry.

Here's the link for the free download: 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate.

Resources from "Let's Talk About Sex..."

We have finally completed our four week teaching series at Johnson Ferry that we aptly called “Let’s Talk About Sex.” And we are exhausted. Jenifer and I feel like we risked a lot to boldly go where few people have gone before.

Since so much of our time has been focused on these issues, my blogging has been horribly neglected, so I will do my best to get back into the swing of things. In the coming days, look for more regular posts as you have come to expect them here at INFO for Families.

As we taught, we made numerous references to books that give further insights into the subjects we covered. I figured that this would be the best place to put them.

For each of the main resources, I have included a brief summary as well as a link to where you can order the book.

Though not a book, we have often recommended the Flag Page as a great tool to gain a better understanding of the unique wiring of your kids and/or spouse. As we have said before, your greatest influence on your kids in the area of sex (and just about anything else) will happen through relationship. If your heart-connection with your kids has pooped-out, the Flag Page is the ideal way to get it going again. Go to The Flag Page site to get started.

 

Here are some of the books we like…

Teaching Your Children Healthy Sexuality by Jim Burns is an excellent “one stop-shopping” book on issues related to teens and sexuality. It has current statistics, Biblical principles, and a clear action plan to encourage your kids to set healthy boundaries for their sexuality.

 

 

A companion book by Jim Burns is The Purity Code. It is a book that can be read by tweens and young teenagers to give them the information they need to make wise decisions. It’s also a great book that you can scan with them and then let them read at their own pace.

Six No-No's for Relating to Your Man

If you're married (or engaged...or planning to get engaged or married...or if you have ever thought to yourself "I would like to be engaged or married") then there is one thing  you must do.

It is the one simple, practical activity that every married person can benefit from. We recommend it for couples in crisis and marriages that have stagnated. We hand the tools out like candy as part of our Marriage Prep Workshops. It truly is an amazing life-changer for any couple.

What is it?

It's reading the simple little books "For Women Only" and "For Men Only." Written by the Feldhahns, these little books can truly revolutionize how you understand and treat your spouse. (Have no fear, non-readers of the world...they are a short, easy read.)

We are amazed at how many men and women don't understand the critical differences in how God has created the two genders. And we are shocked at how many people do truly foolish things in their relationships. For example, a woman criticizes her husband, thinking it will motivate him to change. Or a man gets mad at his wife for being emotional and not rational. These are truly destructive behaviors that work against our own best interests. 

It's like feeding poison to your spouse and then being surprised when they get sick.

That's why we love these little books. They outline some practical AND BIBLICAL principles in response to the inner lives of men and women. When people read them, it's like light bulbs are turned on in their minds.

Jenifer spoke just last week to a woman in her mid 50's who had recently read "For Women Only." Note that she has been married for more than 30 years. She said that she was shocked at how much she learned. As she has made some changes in how she interacts with her husband, she said that it has been truly revolutionary.

So here's your homework: get your hands on these books immediately. You can easily order them online right here. We tell couples in Marriage Prep to read them in reverse. In other words, guys read the books written for girls first and girls read the one for guys. As you read, underline stuff, put exclamation points in the margins, and make any additional comments. Then let your spouse read their book. That way, it's not just a book on men in general; it's a manual on the man you married. It makes for some great conversations.

So back to the title of this blog...the Six No-No's for Relating to Your Man. Robert Lewis (creator of the Men's Fraternity resource) has written a great post for Family Life with some coaching tips for women. There are some parallels between his tips and what you might find in For Women Only. So that's what got me started.

You can read the article by clicking on the link below. I will post a similar link for men tomorrow.

Six No-No's for Relating to Your Man.

Is Your Teenager a "Fake" Christian? What About You?

A recent report suggests that the faith many of our churched teens are buying into IS NOT true Christianity. It is, instead, a form of "moralistic therapeutic deism," in which God serves mainly to make you good and make you happy. According to the report, people who fall into this category are "fake" Christians, believing something quite different than true, Biblical Christianity.

Most "Christian" kids cannot articulate what they believe or why they believe it. Many bright teens who can speak clearly on a wide range of subjects have a hard time defining what, exactly, their Christian faith is about. 

I encourage you to read the full article on the CNN website. The study referenced comes from the book "Almost Christian" by Kenda Creasy Dean.

Parents of teenagers would be wise to talk often of their faith. But more than that, it is essential that teenagers see an authentic faith being lived out in their parents' daily lives. Many kids don't have a life-changing faith in Christ because they don't see it modeled in their parents.

So Mom and Dad, here's something to consider: If your kids' only source of information about the Christian life came from you, what message would they get? Is it a life and a faith worth embracing and giving their lives for?

Jon Gosselin to Write a Parenting Book?

Let the late night monologue jokes begin.

A report has surfaced that Jon Gosselin, of "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" fame, is in the beginning stages of writing a book about parenting. I desperately want to be gracious here, but I'm trying to guess how much of this is driven by "strike while the iron is hot" economic motives and how much is driven by a sincere desire to help other parents.

While he's still not sure of what his "hook" will be, a source close to Gosselin says this: “Jon is still deciding what exactly the book will be about, but knows he wants to focus on his parenting skills.” I honestly cannot wait to read what he has to say. Perhaps he has learned some unique lessons about parenting through his unique circumstances. Perhaps.

But in my experience, there is one element of parenthood I have learned is critical: consistency.

When they were young, my kids needed consistency in rules and discipline. This helped them feel safe and secure.

As they have grown into teenagers, my kids have needed consistency between what I say and what I do. Nothing has illustrated this more than teaching a few kids to drive. I cannot roll through stop signs and yet expect them to stop completely when they are behind the wheel. When my children are watching my life, the need to "practice what I preach" becomes paramount.

Any message about character development or the need to be committed to Christ will fail to penetrate the hearts of our kids if our lives do not have the integrity to back it up. That is, perhaps, the lesson that our friend Jon may need to learn before he writes his book. He may be an attentive dad when he's around them, but the older his kids get, the more they will pick up on the apparent inconsistencies in his personal life.

So how are you doing in the consistency department? Are you making behavioral or moral demands of your kids that you are not modeling in your life? What needs to change to keep the integrity of your parental leadership intact?

Man Jailed for Facebook "Friend Request"

Be careful who you "friend request" on Facebook.

Most people are okay.

With some high school friends, you should really think about it. 

Old girlfriends/boyfriends, I would stay away from.

But soon-to-be ex-wives who have a restraining order against you: my advice is that you don't friend request them. Lest you end up in jail.

A man in central Florida did just that and is now behind bars. You can read the story here. I don't mean to judge, but, based on his picture alone, I don't think he's too bright. He obviously didn't think this one through.

What is most interesting, though, is that contact via Facebook is now being deemed by the court as something that violates someone's personal space. Given what I have seen in many of the relationships I am observing up close, a person's Facebook profile is personal space, indeed. But some of us have not realized that yet.

I am amazed at how much people air the dirty laundry of their personal lives on Facebook: the fight they had with their spouse, for example.

Or they post some vague update that loudly begs people to ask questions. Something like: "I can't believe he said that!" If we don't ask questions, we only assume the worst.

Perhaps the most troubling foolish use of Facebook is when someone changes their marital status from "married" to "it's complicated." Couples in strife need to seek help from God, who offers direction for rebuilding bad relationships. And they need to seek responsible, mature people who can walk them through troubled times. But broad statements on Facebook that stir the pot without looking for help is a sign of foolishness.

Couples who have found Facebook to be a source of tension in their marriage may need to get some help. And you need to know you are not alone. In the past few months, I have encountered couples dealing with old flames, arguing about time spent on Facebook, even fighting about things like Farmville. This is an issue that cannot be ignored.

My friends Jason and Kelli Krafsky have written a book called Facebook and Your Marriage. It is an easy, fun read that addresses practical guidelines for making Facebook a source of joy in your marriage, not something to fight about. If this is an issue for you, then start by ordering the book. Then read and discuss it together.

You can order the book at the Facebook and Your Marriage website.

The Risks of Marrying (and Dating) Outside the Faith

If you are a parent of a child of any age, I encourage you to take three minutes and read the following blog post. In "Marry Outside the Faith? The Logic of Christian Marriage", Dr. Al Mohler writes about the growing trend of marrying outside of one's own religion. Before you read any further what I'm writing, I strongly encourage you to jump to Mohler's blog and read his post. Go on...do it. Immediately. Why are you still reading this? Click on the link above.

In the article, he cites a few key statistics and references studies that prove that couples from different faiths have significantly higher divorce rates. Here's one brief excerpt:

Nevertheless, even with all this taken into account, it turns out that marrying outside the faith is one of the most significant risk factors for divorce. Citing the American Religious Identification Survey of 2001, Riley reported that “people who had been in mixed-religion marriages were three times more likely to be divorced or separated than those who were in same-religion marriages.”

Troubling, huh? But beyond these practical considerations, Mohler reminds believers of the Biblical command that we are not to be "unequally yoked with unbelievers." Obviously, that applies to marriage.

So here's why every parent needs to read the article (you already have, haven't you?) and marinate on it's premise: We can see that a common faith is a practical foundation on which to build a marriage. We also know that when young people marry someone of a different faith (or of no faith at all) they find themselves outside of God's defined will to not be "unequally yoked."

If these things are true about marriage, then every parent - no matter how old your children are - needs to wrestle with this question:

A Few Excellent Audiobooks - One for Free

This month on ChristianAudio.com, you can download two great audio books at great prices (one is even free!).

 

To download Forgotten God by Francis Chan for FREE, use code JUN2010. This is Chan's second book that challenges the church to know and experience the power of God. Most of us have missed all that God can be in and through the presence of his Holy Spirit.

To download Radical by David Platt for $2.50, use code RADICAL610. We have recommended this book here at INFO in the past. Now it can be yours for the listening for a very reasonable price. I think these deals are only good through June, so move fast!

James Dobson's "Bringing Up Girls"

James Dobson wrote the book (or should I say books) on parenting that many of us have raised our kids on. His very successful "Bringing Up Boys" gave insights to an entire generation of parents.

Now, he has come out with "Bringing Up Girls," which offers the same practical and Biblical principles for raising the young ladies in our homes.

There is an excellent promotional website that they have created to market the book found at www.bringingupgirls.com. There's a little video that is a bit goofy but that actually works to motivate you to buy what Dobson is selling. 

Likewise, you can find plenty of great reviews for the book written by normal parents just like you at ChristianBook.com.

"Bringing Up Boys" went a long way to help me (and particularly, my wife) to understand the guys in our house. I'm hopeful that "Bringing Up Girls" will do the same.

Radical Book - A Radical Message

Something is stirring in the Christian community. There is a grassroots movement of influential American church leaders who are bringing attention to the fact that something is wrong in the church today. Specifically, that it doesn't make sense to be wealthy Christians in a world where people are dying without basic necessities like food, clean water and basic healthcare.

Francis Chan's book Crazy Love touches on this. So does The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns.

But the newest young leader to confront with this reality is Dr. David Platt. He is the pastor of the Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, AL. His new book, aptly titled Radical is making waves all across the church.

I just ordered my copy. I confess that I'm afraid to read it. Here's a video from Platt on the core of the book's message.
 

 

How and When to Talk to Your Kids About Sex

Nothing gives parents more stress than having “the talk.” In our heads, we realize that we have the responsibility of telling our kids about sex, but the prospect of doing so can scare us to death.

 

In talking with some parents in a class we taught last week, I was reminded again of how overwhelming this subject can be. But I was also convicted of how important it is…not just in terms of having a single conversation with your child, but in terms of the far greater task of helping our kids have a healthy, Biblical view of sexuality. This requires more than just a one-time conversation, but an ongoing dialogue that lasts into adulthood. (Doesn’t that sound like fun?!)

 

The stakes are just too high for us to take this lightly.

 

So I have pulled from several resources to cover a possible approach to sex-ed with your kids. It’s certainly not the exhaustive source, but it covers some essentials. So away we go…

 

Why Are Parents Reluctant to Talk About Sex?

 

Here is a list of possibilities of why this issue is so uncomfortable. See if you can identify with any of them.

 

·     Nobody modeled it for you.

·     You lack the skills, words, confidence, etc.

·     You’re afraid of being a hypocrite.

·     Prolonged naiveté on your part (you assume that your kids aren’t there yet).

·     You think that is what school is for.

·     Your own sex life is a mess.

 

The more of these that you can identify with, the more likely you are in knots over this issue.

 

When Should I Have “The Talk” With my Kids?

Jonathan Acuff's Thoughts on "Raising Dorks"

About a year ago, a good friend introduced me to the Stuff Christians Like website. It is a daily blog with relevant observations on many of the quirky (read: embarrassing) parts of our Christian subculture. It comes off sort of like the Saturday Night Live of Christianity. I would recommend bookmarking the site and visiting it often. Acuff is disciplined to post most every day and he is always fresh.

I came across one of his popular posts from September of last year on the subject of Raising Dorks. I love his thoughts on the subject of intentionally raising kids who are behind the curve when it comes to growing up.

There is great application for parents as we aim to help our kids to be (as Jesus described us) not of the world. As my friend John Richie says it, our kids can either be worldly successful or they can be Godly. It is near impossible to be both. And if we try to enable them to be both, we'll usually end up with kids who are not Godly. As for me, I'm okay if my kids' pursuit of holiness makes them a bit on the dorky side. I just hope and pray that they come to appreciate that some day.

The Love Dare Journal - Online

The guys who made the Fireproof movie a few years ago have also created a great online journal designed to help people to restore their troubled marriages. If you or someone you know desires to see significant change in your relationship, it will require taking some sigificant steps. Even if your spouse is not willing to do their part, the Love Dare Journal gives clear direction for what you can do to change things.

You can find the site here or you can click on the link to the left in the "Helpful Links for Families" section. It might make a great new year's resolution for someone you know who is struggling at home. It takes a 40 day commitment to do some pretty hard and very sacrificial things. But my thinking is that you can do ANYTHING for 40 days.

Give it a try! God might just show up and prove that He is true to His word and faithful to those who trust in Him, in spite of the pain.

Free AudioBook: CRAZY LOVE by Francis Chan

My wife Jenifer and I are in the process of reading “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan. It has been a very challenging and convicting read. My oldest daughter Lindsey learned on a blog she reads that ChristianAudio.com has “Crazy Love” as the free audio download of the month.

 

Chan will stretch your thinking and shake up your perception of what the Christian life can and should be.

 

The free offer goes away when August gets here, so act now! Operators are standing by! (Do they not have chairs?)

You can click on the link below to get there.

http://christianaudio.com/free

Enjoy!

-Barrett

Reviews: “Your Girl” by Vicki Courtney

Vicki Courtney is someone who is "in the trenches" of ministry to preteen and teen girls (not to mention their mothers). She has seen firsthand the devastating consequences our provocative culture is having on women, both young and old. Your Girl addresses the negative influences facing young women in today’s culture and what mothers can do to counteract the cultural influences and raise Godly daughters. Vicki Courtney addresses the times our daughters live in, the high calling of motherhood, and the necessity to enter the battle to counteract the influences.  While targeted at moms, this is a great read for Dads, as well.  Courtney has also recently released Your Boy, a book that offers similar help for the parents of boys.  Go to www.virtuousreality.com for more information.

Reviews: Some Books Worth Reading

Revolutionary Parenting

By George Barna

This is George Barna’s newest book based upon his latest national study on parenting styles.  He surveyed thousands of committed Christian young adults (and their parents) to determine what parenting styles and habits are essential for raising kids who turn out right. 

 

Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date

By Dennis Rainey

A must-read for every dad with daughters.  Rainey has served as president of FamilyLife for many years.  He has also raised three girls.  In this very short book, he outlines a practical, loving strategy for telling your daughter’s date what he needs to hear, all in a way that demonstrates how much you value your daughter.

 

God is Not Through With Me Yet: Holding on to the One Who Holds You Close

By Thelma Wells

Jenifer highly recommends this one.  Wells, a frequent speaker on the Women of Faith tour, offers rich life lessons gleaned from more than sixty-one years as a Christ-follower.  Sharing from her own unwanted experiences, Thelma reveals how God is working every day in every way to bring you to a place of total trust in Him.