INFO for Families

Fun Friday - Shopping Cart Baby

Have you ever done this before?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is probably a perfect parent out there somewhere that thinks this is horrible. The rest of us Imperfect and Normal Families disagree. Because we have done this in some form ourselves.

The key is to keep the heavy things (like water bottles) on the bottom rack and the dangerous things (like fresh meat) tucked carefully under the baby's seat. Then that leaves plenty of room for bread and potato chips on top of your baby. As long as you don't block his or her airway, your child is likely to enjoy a comfortably nap, all cuddled up in a wonderful grocery cocoon.

Don't Give Plutonium to a Preschooler - Conclusion

This is the fourth and final part of a chapter from the book I'm working on called "Sooner." At it's core, the book is a call for parents to talk about sex and relationships with their kids earlier, more often, and in more detail than they ever imagined.

In this chapter, I suggest that many of the opposite sex relationships we allow our kids to enter into put them into emotional situations where they are in way over their heads. And it is emotional intimacy that leads to sexual intimacy. All of it has the potential to mess up their ability to connect with their marriage partner.

If this is your first encounter with this post, I encourage you to scroll down and read the four parts in order. They will certainly make more sense to you.

 

Don't Give Plutonium to a Preschooler - Conclusion 

Because these heart issues are so clearly in front of us, and their long term-impact is so obvious, parents must embrace their responsibility in helping to guide and protect their kids from the “serial dating” so prevalent in our culture. While I am not advocating an extreme, legalistic position as some do, I want to challenge parents to consider what their role is in guiding their kids to not carelessly give their heart away before they are mature enough to handle the emotional and physical dimensions of a relationship. This is a critical role of parents that many have ignored.

We can see an illustration of the way God gives His people this same type of covering and protection in the writings of the prophet Ezekiel. In chapter 16, God gives Ezekiel a story to tell about how He has cared for his people. It goes something like this:

In Ezekiel 16, the prophet describes how God has cared for his people in this way.  He tells of a baby that was born in secret and then abandoned in a field. The baby girl was left alone to die; unfed and uncared for, writhing around in pool of blood. God saw that the baby was unloved and alone and had intense pity for her. From that moment, God took responsibility for her life and her well-being, speaking life and blessings on her, just as a good parent naturally does. The story goes on that the girl eventually matured sexually. The Bible says that her breasts were formed and her hair grew long and beautiful, yet she was still naked. Then I love what it describes in verse 8: “Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body.”

God models for parents the kind of care and protection that our kids need. When their bodies begin to mature and their hearts begin to awaken to love, our children need safeguarding, not unbridled freedom to explore their new reality. As these new emotions begin to stir within our kids, there are a few practical ways that we can provide a covering of protection for them.

First of all, this is one issue that parents would be wise to begin talking about sooner than they think they need to. If our kids know what to look for and expect in their hearts before it hits them, they will be more prepared to deal with it. A great book to read with the youngest of girls is Jennie Bishop’s “The Princess and the Kiss.” This was regular required reading at the Johnson house.

Secondly, be prepared to turn feelings of attraction that your kids might have into teachable moments.  Never label God-given recognition of the opposite sex as “bad.” Instead, turn the affections that are stirring in your kids into conversations. Ask: "What do you like about him or her? What types of qualities does that person have that you might look for in a spouse one day?"

Third, be mindful of your kids’ friends and their perspectives and values regarding the opposite sex. If your daughter’s friends are all of a “boy crazy” mindset, you shouldn’t be surprised if your daughter gets caught up in it as well. I’m not suggesting that you need to end those friendships, but you will probably need to prepare her for the reality that your family is going to operate by a different set of values than most everybody else.

Finally, as the growing, maturing heart of a teenager has a greater and greater desire to connect emotionally, strive to push them into a deeper emotional relationship with Christ. God has placed in each of His followers a longing to know Himself. Sadly, many of us fail to look to Christ to fill our deepest needs. Instead, we look to others to meet our needs for love, security, and self-worth. This is particularly true for teenagers. Wise parents will be diligent to encourage their kids to find their identity in Christ during those early years where they are becoming more able to know and be known by Him.

While emotional purity is harder to define than physical purity, it is just as critical in helping our kids to be prepared for marriage one day. Parents must believe that and begin to act on it. Again, you wouldn’t give plutonium to a preschooler. He simply does not have the maturity and understanding to know what he is dealing with. In the same way, you shouldn’t encourage young people who are just awakening to brand new feelings to explore them without close parental guidance. Even though they may not know it, our kids desperately need us in this way.

As a parent, what are you doing to protect your kids from the emotional and sexual situations that they are not yet ready for?

Don't Give Plutonium to a Preschooler - Part 3

In Part 1 of this four part excerpt from the book I'm working on, I started by suggesting that allowing our teenagers to get fully involved in emotional relationships was sort of like giving plutonium to a preschooler and letting them play in the backyard.

In Part 2, I suggested that emotional purity is just as important as sexual purity. The key to protecting our kids' sexual purity is to train them to "guard their hearts." Most parents have ignored this reality.

Here it the further development of that idea, including a reference to my favorite music video. I've also included the clip. Watch out...it gets bloody (literally).

 

Don't Give Plutonium to a Preschooler - Part 3

Albert Mohler points out that many parents do well to tell their kids to “just say no” to sexual activity. But he goes on to say that this will be near impossible if we encourage our kids to participate in a dating system by the same rules as the world. He specifically says “we can’t expect them to not get physically connected if they are already emotionally connected.”

Many ultra-conservative authors and teachers have championed the need for emotional purity.  For many, it is synonymous with the “courtship” movement that has gained momentum in the past twenty years. But even those in the mainstream can see the powerful implications of “giving your heart away” too many times and the long-term affect it will have on future relationships (particularly marriage.)

My favorite music video of all time is by Gnarls Barkley. A filmmaker took their song “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul” and made a powerful little short film out of it. The first few minutes show a couple sitting in a café. It is obvious from the first few seconds that she is breaking up with him. She is explaining all the “it’s not you, it’s me” garbage that break-up conversations are traditionally known for.

As the girl is talking, the guy is not fully engaged in what she is saying. He is too busy getting an extra plate and taking a butter knife and stabbing himself in the heart (if you watch it, be warned: it’s pretty gory). He then reaches into his chest “Temple of Doom” style, pulls out his heart, and puts it on the plate in front of him. He slides it over to her and says: “For you.”

She responds by saying: “You do realize I’m breaking up with you, right?”

And then he gives the most prophetic and true monologue: “Well, that’s the strange thing…it’s actually yours now (his heart). I don’t know why it works this way, but I’m never going to be able to get over you, so from now on, every other girl that I meet will be meticulously compared to you and, unfortunately, none of them will be able to measure up to the false memory of what you and I once had.”

She responds: “Maybe I can just keep it for a little while….and then eventually I’ll give it back to you when we both find somebody new.”

He continues: “Unfortunately, it won’t work that way. Now that you have my heart, I’m pretty much an empty cavity inside. For lack of a better term: I’m heartless. I will now treat each woman I meet with a passive/aggressive contentiousness that will ruin relationship after relationship for many years to come.”

Their expressions at the end of the conversation suggest that they both know it’s true. It’s pretty powerful stuff for a music video.

 

Read the conclusion of "Plutonium" tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy the video...

 

Don't Give Plutonium to a Preschooler - Part 2

Here's part 2 of the post I started yesterday (Part 1 here). It continues the argument that our kids are not ready for the relational and sexual situations that we allow them to face during their young teen years.

 

Don't Give Plutonium to a Preschooler - Part 2

Undeniable is the reality that God does begin to stir in our children an awareness of the opposite sex. There is a shift that begins to take place in girls and then a bit later in boys. In different ways I have witnessed it in each of my children. As parents, our role is not to ignore or suppress this God-given awakening, but to help our children to interpret it and to negotiate the potential minefield that goes along with it.

I can remember a time when my oldest daughter Lindsey was in the 5^th grade. She started acting a bit strange sometimes when we were at church.  I couldn’t figure it out, but Jenifer began noticing a pattern to her quirky behavior. I was a youth minister so we were always around teenagers. Whenever Lindsey was around a 9^th grader named Matt, her weirdness would surface. Sometimes she would giggle. Sometimes she would be shy. Jenifer finally theorized that Lindsey had something of a crush on Matt. When she asked Lindsey about it, she turned red, so we knew we were on to something.

Now Matt was a great guy. He was friendly, handsome, and Christlike: exactly the kind of guy that we would love for our daughters to marry one day. But it was critical for Jenifer and me to coach a 5^th grade Lindsey about what was stirring within her and to help her to realize that she was in no way ready to fan the flames of affection towards Matt. We were able to affirm the good things she saw in him and to encourage her to keep looking for the right traits in boys so she would be prepared to give her heart to the right guy down the road sometime. 

This goes back to the basic reality that the message the world is giving our kids is radically different than God’s Truth. Everything our kids get from the world says to “follow your heart.” They hear that message in their movies, in their music, and in the very ethos of their generation. They have been fed a steady diet of that type of drivel from the Disney princess movies they watched when they were preschoolers to the top-40 music they listen to today. It is what they know by default.

In contrast, Jeremiah 17:9 tells us about the questionable reliability of the heart: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” According to scripture, following one’s heart can be synonymous with following a lie. It cannot be trusted and it is not always reasonable. But because of their lack of experience and their exposure to the “trust your heart” message, our kids don’t know any other way.

Instead of “follow your hearts,” we must deliberately train our kids to “guard their hearts.” Proverbs 4:23 gives Christ-followers that very command: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

All of this brings us to a concept that needs to be introduced to parents, taught to kids, and embraced by the entire family. The concept is “emotional purity.”

In 2001, author Heather Paulson literally wrote the book on it. In her book, “Emotional Purity,” she defines emotional intimacy as “a close, private relationship that would invoke strong feelings, passions, and the senses.” In contrast, emotional purity would be the ongoing discipline of not allowing your heart to go places it is not ready to go. It is following Solomon’s advice to “not awaken love until it so desires.”

“I see emotional purity as the root of physical purity. The more emotionally connected you are with someone, the more you (desire) physical connection. Once a couple begins to attach emotionally, physical affection is naturally going to follow.”

Any commitment to sexual purity (think True Love Waits) is useless if there is not first and foremost a commitment to emotional purity.

My own life is a testimony to the connection between emotional and sexual purity. I can remember being taught by good parents and in a good youth ministry that sexual activity was reserved for marriage. I can remember clearly while still in middle school my youth pastor teaching that the greatest gift you can give your future spouse is your purity. I heard it, believed it, and was fully committed to that end. We didn’t have purity rings back in that day, but I would have proudly wore one.

If 8^th grade…I was fully committed to purity. In 9^th grade…I was still in. By 10^th grade, I was even to the point of looking down with “holier than thou” condemnation on those I knew who were being promiscuous in their relationships. By 11^th grade, I had a serious girlfriend. And something changed. Suddenly, my purity commitment was entirely forgotten. The faithful desire to honor God with my body was fully and completely trumped by my emotional affections for the girl I was with.  While there were certain physical lines I was committed to not crossing, I know that the relationship was far from God-honoring.

Was there conflict within me? Of course. Those high school years were some of the most tumultuous in my Christian life. But my desire for holy living and Christian obedience didn’t stop me from becoming physical in ways that I know were sinful. Looking back, I am sure that my problem was at it’s root not a physical intimacy problem but an emotional intimacy one. Had I guarded my heart closer, my pre-marriage relationships would have never gotten physical.

This is how I coach my kids today.  Far more discussions happen at our house about emotional purity than about sexual purity. Ultimately, it dictates much on our family’s guidelines for dating and boy/girl relationships. (We will cover more on this later.) Obviously, what we have chosen to do looks far different from most families.

Come back for Part 3 tomorrow...

Don't Give Plutonium to a Preschooler - Part 1

I haven't written much original stuff here at INFO for a while. But it's not because I haven't been writing. It's just that I'm writing something else.

Over the past several years, God has been stirring in Jenifer and me a conviction about the way that parents today are dropping the ball in the area of guarding and protecting their kids' sexual purity. Specifically, most parents aren't talking about sex, aren't coaching their kids about opposite sex relationships, and are generally oblivious to the significant impact that the choices their kids are making today will have on their married life later.

Anyway, I'm about 40% into a book project on that subject. I've written about 25,000 words worth of content designed to challenge parents to talk about sex and relationships with their kids more often, in more detail, and at an earlier age than they would ever imagine. The working title is "Sooner." Until I come up with something better, I think that best captures the answer to the question that every parent asks: "When do I talk to my kids about sex?"

Answer: "Sooner than you think."

As I write, I feel a great conviction that this is a message that the people of God need to hear. But I would love to know your thoughts on the subject.

For the next few days, I'm going to post a chapter or two from the book. I'll do it in very small bites so you can read a bit at a time. Let me know if it stirs anything within you as a parent...

 

Don't Give Plutonium to a Preschooler, Part 1

Being a part of a large church means that my kids are involved in a lot of student ministry activities. They go to youth camps, on mission trips, and participate in lots of small group meetings. It affords them lots of opportunities to interact with a variety of teenagers from a lot of different backgrounds. I have found that you can get a pretty good snapshot of where kids are when “sharing” is encouraged.

You know what I’m talking about…

On the first night of Disciple Now: “Share what you are struggling with.”

On the last night of a retreat: “Share what God has done in your life.”

In the evenings while on a mission trip: “Share what God is teaching you.”

While this is often a great chance to hear stories of how God is moving, it can also serve as a startling window into the relational lives of teenagers. It gets particularly interesting when you separate the genders as the girls’ stories and perspectives have a certain raw emotion to them.

What I am most troubled by is how common it is to hear the girls, some as young as 12 or 13, share the trauma and hardships of their current relationships. As they describe what they are going through and what they are feeling, it is apparent (at least to any adults who are listening) that they are in over their heads. One is crying a river of tears over a clueless 14 year-old boy who had no idea that breaking up via text message was not appropriate. Two other girls, who used to be best friends, are not speaking to one another because one of them talked to the other’s boyfriend at a party last weekend. On the other side of the circle, a girl is sobbing because she can’t believe that the boy she likes chose someone else. Unfortunately, their peers seem to be encouraging the emotion via an endless supply of hugs and tissues. What was intended to be a time of sharing about Christ quickly becomes a support group of girls with boy problems. It’s ridiculous, but it’s real.

Maybe the culture our girls are living in is expecting them to grow up too fast. Just maybe.

Tucked within the pages of Song of Solomon is a wonderful piece of advice that would serve our daughters well. In this sometimes racy book that shares the intimate words sung between lovers, Solomon writes on three different occasions: “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

While he may have simply been telling the “daughters of Jerusalem” to let his bride sleep late, I think there is a deeper meaning here. The entire book is devoted to describing the intense love and passion that is being experienced between the two lovers. It is like a wild beast that, once awakened, cannot be tamed. In that context, Solomon is both describing the powerful force that he and his bride now know AND he is warning the other girls not to go there until they are absolutely ready to handle it. The emotion is so powerful, intoxicating, and life-changing, you better not unleash it until you are ready. Because once you awaken it, it’s near impossible to turn it off.

Regrettably, our culture encourages our daughters (and sons) to awaken it as soon as possible…and as often as possible.

From what I have witnessed, the result is that our teenagers are forced to grapple with the complications and challenges of giving their fully-awakened hearts away, only to see them trampled on by the carelessness and self-centeredness of others. They just don't have the maturity to handle the circumstances that relationships of that nature typically throw at them.

It is like giving plutonium to a to a preschooler and telling her to go play with it in the backyard. She’s just not equipped or ready to handle it with the care that is needed. And while nuclear materials certainly require an intense level of safekeeping, the reality is that the hearts of our children and adolescents are equally as fragile.

 

...Part 2 tomorrow.

Where Most 21st Century Affairs Begin

If you are serious about guarding your marriage, you cannot ignore the one common denominator of just about every infidelity. In the stories I hear from the imploding marriages I counsel, it comes up every single time.

It is the place where the little sparks of flirtation become the flames of intimacy and eventually grow into the roaring bonfire of adultery. (Please, don't try these metaphors at home. I'm a professional.)

What is the genesis of most affairs in this day and age? You'll find it here.

Be wise enough not to ignore it. Love your spouse and value your marriage enough to diligently protect it.

Do Your Kids Expect to Get Paid for Work Around the House?

Reconciling the desire to bless your kids with the possibility that you will spoil them is a challenge for every parent. How does one strike a healthy balance?

Carey Nieuwhof has written a couple of articles on the Orange Parents site that deal with our culture's tendency to think we deserve what we have.

Read Five Ways to Fight Entitlement to learn how to raise kids who appreciate both what they work for and what they are given.

Before we get too "high and mighty" as parents, you can read his later post, called Entitled Parents. It confronts you and me on our belief that we have a right to have all the trappings of the American dream.

Careful consideration of his insights will hopefully turn our hearts toward becoming more grateful for God's blessings in our life and more generous in what we do with them.

Jenifer says She Feels Like this Most Days...

Raising teenagers is hard. It can feel like an ongoing war that wages for the good part of a decade. With four kids between 11 and 19, Jenifer and I have the privilege of experiencing every stage and dimension of adolescence simultaneously. The days are both joyful and trying.

The Sunday comics had this on the front page. Jenifer wanted to frame it over the fireplace. Perhaps you can relate...

Playing the "God Card" in Your Marriage

I love my "Stuff Christians Like" daily calendar. It provides a little daily nugget of humor and insight from Jon Acuff of stuffchristianslike.net.

The note on March 2 was titled "Throwing the G-Card." Here's what Acuff said:

Using the God Card to win an argument is a move that's probably as old as the Crusades. The G-Card is administered like so: "Yeah, well, that's what God told me." It's a hard one to argue with. How can I respond to that? "No He didn't. I know God, and He doesn't want you relocating your family to Guam." It's a really dangerous move to make in the context of a marriage because it stops the conversation and forces your spouse to either give up their point or willingly choose to be on the opposite side of God."

Acuff makes a great point, especially as it applies to marriage.

I am currently coaching a number of couples whose marriages are in trouble. As with most marriages in crisis, each spouse feels that their spouse's sins are greater than their own. They feel that their spouse's sinful actions are reprehensible and unforgivable. Inversely, they feel that their own sinful actions are reasonable and justifiable in light of what their spouse has done to them.

But it's all sin. And we are all personally responsible for how we act and think and speak.

While I in no way want to minimize the hurt and pain that people experience in their troubled marriages, I do want to caution each spouse to avoid playing the "God Card." What Acuff describes is exactly what these couples tend to do:

One (or both) spouses claim the Moral High Ground where they can look down upon the sins of their spouse. They confidently think - and often articulate - that God is on their side and not on their spouse's side. They say things like: "If you were truly a Christian, you would forgive me...or stop doing that...or love me better."

I'm not suggesting that these observations are wrong. I'm just suggesting that it's not in any person's power to convict someone else of their sin. The last time I checked, that was the Holy Spirit's job. When one spouse claims to have the best and truest connection to God, then that spouse is going to be noticing only the sin of their spouse. And be very unlikely to allow God to work in their own life.  

When one spouse claims exclusive right to the moral high ground, what they are unintentionally communicating is "you should come join me in my holy, perfect state over here on God's side." It's not what they mean, but it's probably what their spouse hears. And it's not very conducive to working together towards oneness.

Obviously, if there is significant habitual sin in one spouse's life, confrontation is probably a part of the healing and restoration process. But that's where the value of community comes in. A third party (a friend, pastor, counselor, or mentor couple) might offer coaching toward transformation that is more redemptive for the marriage as a whole. It should be based upon how God desires to transform the marriage, not just one person.

If "two become one flesh" is the operative reality of marriage, then playing the "God Card" is rarely productive in bringing about change. It only serves to make one spouse feel a false sense of righteousness and the other to potentially feel an insurmountable amount of shame. We would all be better served to daily humble ourselves at the cross, recognizing our complete dependence upon the grace of Christ.

Finally, don't forget to pray daily for your spouse...and for yourself. I would recommend briefly interceeding for the shortcomings of your partner, and then spending the bulk of your time asking God to show you where you are falling short of God's design for your marriage.

If that's not your current habit, then you might be guilty of playing the "God Card." It may be time for some repentance on your part. Just maybe.

Conscience or Contraception

If you haven't been following some of the issues related to President Obama's mandate regarding insurance and contraception, you might be missing one of the critical issues of our day. It has implications to both the lives of the unborn and the separation of church and state.

Here are two great articles that might bring you up to speed.

From Focus on the Family:

http://connect.focusonthefamily.com/aprimo/OutboundMessage.aspx?O=9c7c3f80ecc928a516d99692902deb17&T=8be45211f056cdd1&D=b9ca57b2fbe8cb42458807853387983f6a0f6be5ccdab113&M=b333208886639fd5&MSGID=057df98541b2de8068fdb5c51a0785cae4bbc58b7da62c2f&A=375590af364e332f142234c8b8ab306b&R=3a26543ac5f07bfd14ecbfc1b4632bc7

From The Washington Post (and featuring my pastor, Bryant Wright):

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/guest-voices/post/why-baptists-stand-wtih-catholics-on-birth-control-mandate/2012/02/22/gIQA1RpATR_blog.html

Infograph: Stats on the State of Sex in America Today

Maybe Your Child Shouldn't Go to College

Now that there are three (almost four) teenagers in my house, thoughts of "what happens after high school" are often in my head. We want to provide our kids with every opportunity to experience God's best for their lives, so a four-year college education is a non-negotiable component of that, right? 

Maybe.

While college is the right choice for many kids, we cannot assume that it is a requirement for a young person to be in God's will. In fact, it's possible that the typical college experience might be counter-productive to a person growing in Godliness. Before you start sending me emails with "Heresy!" in the subject line, I'd like to invite you to read a short article written by Marvin Olasky of World Magazine.

It made me think carefully about my motives for sending my kids to college and offered some different possibilities to consider. Again, this is just food for thought. I'd welcome your comments.

Here's the link for the article. "College Bubble: Advice for many students and parents: explore non-college options."

Fun Friday - For Imperfect and Normal Dads

Let's face it dads, we're under a lot of pressure. We have to work hard, provide for our families, love our wives with passion, lead our children to maturity, and constantly re-focus our minds on things that really matter in life.

But then something breaks at home and we feel the additional pressure of being "Mr. Fix-It." For some guys out there, this excites you. Somehow, you developed all the skills necessary to repair all the broken things in your house. For most guys, however, fixing things around the house can leave you out of your element. It scares you because there is a very high likelihood that the situation will reveal your shortcomings in an area that you feel you should be confident.

If that's you, then this highly technical flow-chart just might be the solution to all your handy-man issues. It's simple to use and requires only a few key "tools" that can be easily acquired at your local home improvement store.

For me, it was a great encouragement. I printed out a large copy and hung it in my garage so I can refer to it the next time something breaks at my house.

You Didn't Marry the Right Person

I can't tell you how many times I have heard people in difficult marriages say the exact same thing:

"I think I married the wrong person."

It's proof that our culture has embraced the lie that somewhere out there is a "soul-mate" that God made just for them to make them blissfully happy for life. Most of the people I hear talking about marrying the wrong person are Christ-followers, so the church is not free of this thinking. In fact, I think it's in the church even worse than the world.

Why? Perhaps it's because we assume that God's mission in life is to make us happy and comfortable.

Forget the commands of God about commitment and fidelity and even of enduring difficult times (even in marriage). Forget the clear directives of God about what we must DO to build a strong marriage. Forget that God's goal is His own glory and not our happiness. 

Instead, our focus tends to land solely upon this: "God's desire is for me to be happy, so joy in my marriage should be effortless. If things are difficult, I must have missed God's will in marrying this bonehead. The only way for me to get back into God's will is to dump this wrong guy and go find the right one." Of course, this requires us to disobey God's will (divorce) to find God's will (our soul-mate). It's crazy.

Please note: I believe God is sovereign in all things, so yes, that means that He foreknew who you were going to marry. And if that's true, then it means He predestined who you were to marry. (My head hurts when I try to process these things.) However, that's God's perspective, not yours. You are not God and therefore don't have the luxury of trying to decide who "God's man or woman for you is." Your responsibility is to obey what He gives you in His Word.

Here's what you CAN know: the one you married is the one you married. And it's likely that, from your perspective, you sometimes feel like you married the wrong one. But God is with you and He desires to show you how only He can redeem even the most difficult of circumstances.

If you're concerned that you and your spouse aren't compatible, then welcome to the club. I have encountered very few couples who could honestly say that they were fully compatible with one another. In fact, many smart people are now saying that compatibility is a myth. (None of these people are named Neil Clark Warren.)

There's a brief excerpt from Timothy Keller's new book "The Meaning of Marriage" that covers this topic quite nicely. You can read it here: You Never Marry the Right Person. He's a smart guy. You should listen to him.

 

 

 

Just in Time for Valentine's Day...

Heads up, people...Valentine's Day is tomorrow. (This is an alert mainly for the fellas...you ladies are already well aware of Tuesday's significance.)

Just in time for the day, FamilyLife has published some great resources on their "Family Room" website. There are articles about sex, romance, and even some creative ways to say "I love you" in a digital world.

If you need some ideas for jump-starting the passionate part of your marriage, it's not a bad place to start.

Head on over to The Family Room.

Get a Free E-Book! "40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate"

This is a great book by an amazing couple. And it's free!

Just in time for Valentine's Day, Tyndale is offering a free download of Gary and Barb Rosberg's "40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate." This is a wonderful book with all sorts of meaningful ideas to breathe some life into your dating life. It's an incredible cure for the "dinner and a movie" blues.

A recent study flagged by USA Today suggests that couples who date regularly have greater marital satisfaction and better sex lives.

Did I mention that the book is free? It could serve as a great resource for you to pull up ideas on a date-by-date basis.

For another quick plug, Gary Rosberg will be joining us for our Johnson Ferry Couples Retreat in mid-March. He's a good friend and one of my heroes in the ministry.

Here's the link for the free download: 40 Unforgettable Dates with Your Mate.

Fun Family Friday - Amazing Commuter Family

I'm trying to add a little levity (and variety) to INFO for Families. My biggest idea (after about seven seconds of thought) is to introduce "Fun Family Friday." Yes, it's a goofy name, but I wanted to be crystal clear as to what it is. It's fun. It's related to family. It happens on Friday. 'Nuff said.

Fridays are usually happy days, so I'm doing my part to celebrate by making them 1.9% even more happy for you, my faithful readers. I will aim to post something related to family life that will (hopefully) make you smile. Today's entry should do the trick.

 

AN AMAZING COMMUTER FAMILY*

When my family of seven piles into our faithful Toyota Sienna minivan for a road trip, we feel crowded. But after seeing this family of nine in action, I have a new-found appreciation of my van's spacious comfort. 

I wonder if the poor girl in front lost a game of rock/paper/scissors with her siblings and thus had to serve as the windshield for the rest of the family. I wonder if the woman on back is looking ahead for danger...and if she sees any, what on earth she plans to do about it. I wonder if the writing on the bucket says "Graco."

Please comment with suggested captions for this photo. I'd love to hear what you come up with.

On an entirely unrelated note, I'd like to invite you to become a subscriber to INFO for Families. Just think, many casual readers missed seeing this incredible picture, but our hundreds of faithful subscribers had it delivered directly to their inbox.

If you'd like to recieve a regular dose of insight for YOUR Imperfect and Normal Family, simply enter your email in the box on the left-hand column of the blog. We promise not to spam you or anything. After all, I'm a computer idiot. I wouldn't have any idea how to do that anyway.

*Compliments of ParentFails.com.

Say "I Love You." But Don't Be Boring.

Are you running out of ideas for a creative Valentine's Day? Here's a great list from Relevant Magazine of simple and novel ideas, all designed to show your sweetheart how crazy in love you are.

Use these ideas for Valentine's Day. Or use them throughout the year.

29 Creative Ways to Say "I Love You."

Another idea would be to take them on a night away. If you live in Atlanta, we have just the thing for you.

Jenifer and I have learned that the best thing we can do to stay connected with one another is to regularly go away by ourselves. We arrange for childcare for our kids, book a nice hotel on Priceline, and spend 24 hours remembering why we fell in love in the first place. This practice has sustained the joy in our marriage, particularly during these child-focused years.

I want to invite you to Johnson Ferry's Celebration of Marriage Retreat, March 16-17. Held this year at the beautiful J. W. Marriott Buckhead, the weekend will feature an evening of dancing and dessert with live music and a DJ - it's sort of like a prom for adults where the church encourages you to sleep with your date. ;-) Saturday morning will feature a buffet breakfast and a few hours of excellent marriage enrichment with Dr. Gary Rosberg of America's Family Coaches. He will challenge and inspire you to finding God's best in your marriage. The rest of the day is yours to spend alone with your spouse. It's going to be an awesome 24 hours.

Registration is now open at the Celebration of Marriage link on the Johnson Ferry website. With Valentine's Day just a few days away, I think it's a great gift to give your spouse. It you are like me, quality time together is what is missing most in your marriage.

We hope you can join us!

The Death of Pretty

In the story of the Emperor's New Clothes, one bold child spoke the truth about a situation that everyone else was willing to ignore. "The king is naked!" Everyone knew it was true but their pride and cowardice led them to go along with everybody else.

Along those lines, I love it when somebody writes something that resonates with the truth in all of us and confronts a glaring lie that we have inadvertently accepted as normal.  It usually takes the form of an astute observation that makes us all go, "Yeah, he's exactly right."

"The king is naked."

Pat Archbold of the National Catholic Register wrote just such piece back in December. It has made its way around the web, so, of course, it has found its way to INFO for Families. In "The Death of Pretty," I was encouraged because, as a father of three daughters, it let me know that I am not alone in my perspective. As someone who often feels like the only guy who is concerned about the culture in which our daughters are being raised, I am blessed to know that there are others who notice, as well.

Below if the full text of his essay "The Death of Pretty." Thank you, Pat Archbold, for saying it so well...

-Barrett

 

This post is intended as a lament of sorts, a lament for something in the culture that is dying and may never been seen again.

Pretty, pretty is dying.

People will define pretty differently.  For the purposes of this piece, I define pretty as a mutually enriching balanced combination of beauty and projected innocence.

Once upon a time, women wanted to project an innocence.  I am not idealizing another age and I have no illusions about the virtues of our grandparents, concupiscence being what it is.  But some things were different in the back then.  First and foremost, many beautiful women, whatever the state of their souls, still wished to project a public innocence and virtue.  And that combination of beauty and innocence is what I define as pretty.

One Amazing Grandfather

I have to tell you a great story about the power of our words and about how the potential of our influence on the generations that follow us is absolutely limitless.

    

Back in early December, a gentleman came into my office asking for some ideas. He and his wife were hosting their kids and grandkids for Christmas and, as a loving grandfather, wanted to think of some way to make their time memorable and significant. His wife had heard me do a children's sermon the Sunday before about the little town of Bethlehem having a big part to play in the Christmas story, and he thought there might be some way to tie that in...but he just wasn't sure.

    

I encouraged him to gather his grandchildren around and take a moment to speak a word of blessing over each of them. He thought that was a pretty good idea. We shook hands, said goodbye, and I didn't think about it again.

    

Last week, he sent me the following note. I must confess that I got a little misty-eyed as I read it.

    

Barrett,

 

Hope you are doing well.  I wanted to follow up with a report on how our family Christmas went this year. 

 

Christmas 2011 was going to be different for us since two of our three grown children and 8 or our 10 grandkids were going to be with us for Christmas Day in Atlanta.  This was unusual since most years they were either out of the country or visiting their in-laws for Christmas.  It was to be an exciting event for us in the Greene household.

 

We didn't want to let the event pass without a special Christmas Spiritual emphasis.  We had done this when our own kids were growing up but it had been a long time since we were all together at Christmas and we were looking for something that would be meaningful for all of us.   My wife, Sylvia had heard your Children's Sermon in church about Jesus being born in the small town of Bethlehem.  She suggested I talk with you about it and get some ideas.  You were most helpful and I appreciated your help and insight.

 

On Christmas morning, we called all the grandkids together and began by the oldest grandchild Parker, reading the Christmas story-----he first read it in English, then in Spanish, which he speaks fluently since living 10 years in Guatemala, where his parents started Young Life in Guatemala City.  That was a big hit with the kids.  We then told the story about Jesus coming from Bethlehem-----a tiny, insignificant town with nothing really going on.  Yet, the King of Kings was born there!   As you did in the Children's Sermon in church, we told them that although they may feel small and insignificant, they are certainly significant in the eyes of God.  They can say a word or take a stand for Christ in school, on the baseball team, wherever they may be, no matter their size.

 

The kids were getting a bit "antsy" by this time, eager to get into their presents, but the best part was about to happen.  I told them that just as God has given us Jesus as a gift, He also gave each of us individual gifts that are special and can be used in the lives of others.   I went around to each child and told about the special gift that their Grandmother and I have seen in them--------the oldest grandson has the gift of fairness and a sense of doing things right----he shows this in the way he treats his parents and his brothers.   Next was the oldest granddaughter, Sarah, whose gift is a kind and loving heart for people-----all who know her say this about her.

 

By the time I had finished with the second child, I noticed that the "antsiness" had gone-----they were all on the edge of their seat to see what I was going to say about their gift.  It was a real time of encouragement for each child---they loved the positive words about them as a person.  Our seven year old Katie was wide eyed when I told her she would be a great mother some day because she took such good care of her little dog, Pepper.  She loved it.

 

After talking about each child, we ended with a short prayer and then got on to opening the presents.  It was a great time for us as parents and grandparents and I know it was meaningful to the grandkids as well.  

-David

 

How awesome is that? I love it!

Parents, don't ever think that your influence decreases as your kids (and grandkids) get older. It doesn't decrease...it just changes. Be sure to seek God in how you can "roll with the changes." 

Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales

As someone who tries to push you to the "best of the web" of marriage and family issues, I really should try to stay ahead of the curve on content. If a video or some specific content goes "viral," you would think that I would get in on the ground floor. That's not always the case.

There are some things that everybody has seen before me and I am very late to the party. But there are some things with such good content that I can't NOT post it here, just in case you haven't stumbled upon it yet.

The following video is just such an example. It has had millions of hits on Youtube in the past week so it is likely you have already seen it and shared it with others. Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales is a spoken word poem by the same guy who blew up with his outstanding rant on Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus.

Enjoy...

 

An Open Adoption Story...Powerfully Told

My oldest daughter stumbled across a short film that tells a touching and beautiful story of an open adoption. It drew us in from the first moment, not just because it was eighteen minutes of excellent film making, but because it reminded us of some of our experiences and the emotions we had in our own adoption story.

What is open adoption? About.com defines it as "an adoption that has some degree of contact between the birth/first family and the adoptive family. Contact can range from letters and phone calls to visits."

Simply put, open adoption is a full and legal adoption where the adoptive parents choose to stay connected to and in communication with the child's birth parents. It can take on many forms (and the level of "openness" and connectivity might be different for different adoptions) but it serves to involve the birth mother (and birth father, if appropriate) far more than a traditional adoption.

While it's not ideal in every situation, we think it's a great option for many, as it allows the adoptive family to not only love on a child, but also the birth mother and her extended family. That is what we have enjoyed most in our situation. We have loved teaching Maddie Kate to pray for her birth mother by name. We have enjoyed the opportunities we have had to re-connect with her about once or twice a year.

Perhaps just as important, from the perspective of a pregnant woman who is considering adoption, an open adoption may be a key element that enables her to feel comfortable with letting her baby go to another family. For many young woman, adoption is not a consideration because they can't fathom the possibility of saying goodbye to their baby after nine months of having him or her so close.

These are complicated issues that are far above the scope of this simple blog. Any family considering aoption should seek out wise counsel as they consider all their options for adoption.

All I know is that it is working incredibly well for us. And this video captures the joys and miracles of open adoption quite effectively. It is well worth your time.

 

Fathers, Be Good to Your Daughters

I have spent much of the past month working on the annual Father/Daughter Dance at Johnson Ferry. While this is always a nice evening for dads and their girls, I know that the power of the father/daughter relationship is so much more significant than one special night. As they enter the "ballroom" we set up each year, I want to get in each dad's face and say: "Yeah, you showed up with your daughter tonight, but what are you doing to love and lead and protect them the other 364 days of the year?"

    

Dads, our daughters desperately need us to stay connected with them as they navigate a world that, without our help and guidance, will certainly chew them up and spit them out.

    

Read what Hännah Schellhase of the National Fatherhood Initiative wrote a few months back on their website... 

The secret heartache caused by broken families and father failure is frequently laid bare by the tabloids covering the lives of pop stars. Emptiness caused by divorce and absent or abusive fathers has been the catalyst for the ruin of many of Hollywood’s darlings.

John Mayer’s song “Daughters” won the 2005 Grammy for Song of the Year. The lyrics carry a rebuke to fathers for how they treat their daughters because of the profound influence a father’s actions have on the psyche of a daughter. A portion of the lyrics reads:

I know a girl

She puts the color inside of my world

But she's just like a maze

Where all of the walls all continually change

And I've done all I can

To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands

Now I'm starting to see

Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?

It's the same she's been standing in

Since the day she saw him walking away

Now she's left

Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Mayer has captured the cyclical nightmare that is created when a girl is mistreated or abandoned by her father. “Daughters” describes the emotional confusion daughters feel when their fathers are absent or uninvolved, either physically or emotionally.

Defining Marriage in a Kardashian World

If a "man on the street" interviewer put a microphone in your face and asked you to tell you what the meaning of marriage was, what would you answer? No time to think....what would you say?

If you don't have a good answer, then it is unlikely that you will live your married life with much purpose. You will probably expect your spouse to fulfill some unidentified and unverbalized expectation you have. And you will likely be disappointed...in your spouse and in your marriage.

In Chuck Colson's Breakpoint Commentary from October 27 of last year, Colson asked about the meaning of marriage and then gave a recommended resource that effectively answers the question. Here's an excerpt...

Study after study shows the beneficial effects of marriage and the self-inflicted harm that people experience when they ignore this evidence. Marriage is good for us in so many ways.

Here is a tiny sampling: People who have been continuously married have 75 percent more wealth at retirement than those who have divorced or were never married. Children in married, two-parent families experience two to three times more positive life outcomes than those who do not. Married people even enjoy better and more frequent sex!

Yet the statistics also show our culture heading in the opposite direction. In 1970, 89 percent of all births were to married parents. Today, unfortunately, it is only 60 percent. In 1960, 72 percent of adults in America were married. Care to guess the number in 2008? Fifty percent. How did we get here, when it makes no logical sense?

My friend Tim Keller at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York and his wife, Kathy, have written a brilliant new book that explains why marriage is in such dire straits, and how to rescue it. Their book, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God is now available at our online book store at BreakPoint.org. You need to get a copy!

The Best Parenting Advice I've Gotten in a Long Time

I had the pleasure of hosting Dr. Rob Rienow of Visionary Family Ministries at Johnson Ferry this past weekend. He spoke to nearly 600 parents over three different hours, sharing the message that parents have a calling and responsibility to disciple the kids in their home.

But in the middle of his talk (which I heard three times), he shared a little nugget of truth that was a game-changer for many, including myself. It was the best advice on parenting that I have gotten in a long time. I'll tell you about it, but first, a little background.

Rob suggested that our homes should be "discipleship centers" where our primary goal as parents is to teach our children to know God and to pursue Him as the primary focus of their lives. He pointed out the charge found in Deuteronomy 6:5-9...that we are to "teach (the truths of God) diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up."

He asked each group the same question: "When should we be teaching and discipling our kids?" A person in all three groups shouted out the same answer: "All the time." He had to break the news to each of them that they were wrong. He suggested that if we aren't doing anything to pour Christ and His truths into our kids and we find out that we are commanded by God to do it "all the time," then we should all give up as failures before we even start. it's just too big of a task.

Rob took us back to the scriptures and pointed out the four key, power-packed times that God asks parents to spiritually connect with their kids:

1. When you sit in your house (a brief time of family Bible study and prayer)

2. When you walk by the way (that's car time in our culture)

3. When you lie down (at bedtime)

4. When you rise up (first thing in the morning)

So here's when he gave the great advice. Rob mentioned a powerful quote by G.K. Chesterton that should be an encouragement to each of us:

"If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing...badly." -G.K. Chesterton

When Rob gave the quote and paused after the word "doing," the entire room responded with "right." Because that's what we have heard. "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right." But Rob's point was that we can dream about the "right" way to teach our kids and to pray with them and to share spiritual truth, but usually our dreams involve great big plans that we never get to. So we end up doing nothing.

The lesson I learned: If passing on spiritual truth to my kids (via reading the word or reminding them of God's perspective or even just in praying for them and with them) is important, then I should start doing it somehow, even if I do it badly. It may be small. It may be simple. But I must start somewhere.

Is passing on your faith to your kids important to you? Then start doing it, even if it is through something as simple as a prayer on the way to school, a bedtime story from a Bible storybook, or a quick proverb texted to your teenager. You have to crawl before you can walk.

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." That's great advice for every Christian parent.

January 22 at Johnson Ferry - Visionary Parenting

My friend Dr. Rob Rienow will be speaking during all three SBS hours at Johnson Ferry this weekend. If you have kids in your home (no matter their ages) you will want to hear what he has to say. Trust me on this. Here's a brief clip that captures Rob's heart...

 

Where do you go to catch Rob this Sunday? It depends on what hour you are looking for him. Here's the skinny:

8:30     Pinnacle on the 3rd floor

9:50     Fellowship Hall

11:15   Room 270/271 by the Activity Center

I expect 9:50 to be very crowded, so if you have the flexibility to go to one of the other hours, please do so.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

-Barrett

Are Your Kids an Inconvenience?

Are your kids an inconvenience?

A good 99% of parents would answer "yes" to that question. The other 1% of parents are probably lying.

It is a fact that children often get in the way of us doing what we want to do and having what we want to have. But perhaps that's how God designed our families to be. Perhaps it is God's way of reminding us that our lives our not about us...that something bigger is going on.

I came across a great article at Biblicalwoman.org by a young mom that you need to read. Amanda Walker writes very clearly about the Inconvenience of Motherhood.

An Amazing Resource for Parents

The following is a guest post by Michelle Newbold. She is the mother of four great kids and the wife of one great husband. She highlights an excellent tool that parents can utilize in helping their kids transition into adolescence. Read on...

Two things have always frightened me about parenting.  One, potty training. Two, teenagers.  Being a mom of four children, I am pleased to say I have made it through the potty training era and am moving on to dealing with teenagers.  My oldest turns 13 in a couple of weeks.  I guess the reason the teenage years are so scary for parents is that our culture makes those years sound daunting. Television and movies portray teenagers as out of control and parents throwing their hands up and giving up in despair.  Then there's the whole, "birds and the bees talk," which the media also portrays as an impossible task that never goes like the parent planned.

In our home, we decided to start having "mini-discussions" with our girls when the time came for it.  Our goal has been to provide needed information at appropriate times.  We also wanted to be the ones to explain things to our kids and not have them learning about these issues from friends.  Or, receiving misinformation from friends or media!  Since our oldest three children are daughters, our plan was for me to have these discussions with them and then my husband would handle their brother when it is his turn.

At first, these discussions were focused mostly on a brief description of where babies come from and on physical changes occurring in the body.   I kept the initial discussions very brief and on topic.  Then I mentioned that we can talk anytime and left the door open for future mini-talks as needed.  There have been several times she has approached me with a question.  I try not to act shocked at whatever she wants to talk about, and just answer the question in a matter-of-fact way.

Finally, I decided to have a more prolonged interaction with her to cover a broad variety of topics.   I selected the material created by Focus on the Family entitled, Preparing for Adolescence.  These CDs were recorded by Dr. James Dobson as he taught first his daughter, and then other teenagers on the coming adolescent years.  We used the CD set and the "Family Guide and Workbook".  I also plan to buy the book eventually for her to keep as a reference.    The book is basically the main words that Dobson says on the cd's.

Plan NOW to Make the Most of 2012...Before the Impending Apocalypse

I don't think there is any merit whatsoever to the to 2012 doomsday calendar hoopla. But just in case the world does come to an end by this time next year, we would all be wise to finish strong. With that in mind, the HomeLife Ministry at Johnson Ferry is putting together a bunch of great opportunities for your marriage and family.

Most Johnson Ferry people will get a "Save the Date" postcard in the mail (that looks like what you see below) sometime after Christmas, but this blog post is for people who don't read their mail. So get your 2012 calendar out and start making plans...

 

Re|Engage is a marriage enrichment ministry that we will be launching on Wednesday nights in late January. Whether your marriage needs to be reignited or is need of complete resurrection, Re|Engage will be a safe place for couples to move toward oneness through stories of grace, teaching, and small groups. We hope and pray that this will be a game-changer for many marriages.

 

 

Family Focus Sunday will be a special quarterly gathering of adults from all over Johnson Ferry. Our first in 2012 will happen on January 22 in all three SBS hours. Dr. Rob Reinow (who will absolutely rock your world) will be our guest and his seven-week Visionary Parenting DVD will be utilized in many SBS classes in the weeks to follow. You can catch a bit of Rob's heart in this brief video.

 

 

The Father/Daughter Dance will be on February 9 and 10. This event sells out every year, so be prepared to get your tickets when they go on sale on January 9. We always need plenty of volunteers to help set up, decorate, and serve, so plan now to take part in creating this very special night for dads and their girls.              

 

 

 

The weekend of March 16-17 is our Couples Retreat, an overnight getaway designed to help "fan the flames" of your marriage. Held this year at the J. W. Marriott Buckhead, the weekend will feature an evening of dancing and dessert with live music and a DJ - it's sort of like a prom for adults where the church encourages you to sleep with your date. ;-)  Saturday morning will feature a buffet breakfast and some excellent marriage enrichment with Dr. Gary Rosberg (see below for more on Gary).

 

 

March 18 will be our second Family Focus Sunday of the year. Dr. Gary Rosberg (who will also be speaking at the Couples Retreat) will be with us in all three SBS hours. Gary is a best-selling author, nationally known speaker, and the founder of America's Family Coaches. Since I first heard Gary speak at Promise Keepers years ago, I have heard him dozens of times. He's always direct and inspiring.

 

 

 

We have scheduled a short Family Mission Trip over 4 days in Spring Break, March 31-April 3. We will be partnering with some of the ministries to international refugees in Clarkston, GA. This trip is perfect for families with elementary aged kids. It will run from Saturday through Tuesday, so it won't be too many days off from work.

 

 

 

Finally, mark your calendars WAY OUT in advance as we will be having a special Family Night at Johnson Ferry with comedian Tim Hawkins on July 28. Tickets are already available online and this event WILL sell out.

 

 

I know your schedule will be full this Spring, but I hope and pray that you take some time to focus on God's design for your family. There will be plenty of opportunities at Johnson Ferry to do just that. You can always go to the Family Ministry page at the Johnson Ferry website or call the HomeLife office at 678-784-5230 for more information on any of these ministries.

Until then, have a very merry Christmas!

-Barrett

What Not to Do This Christmas

Christmas is almost here so it just makes sense that INFO for Families would continue to provide some insights and tips for making your Christmas season incredible.

I haven't been blogging much lately, but it doesn't mean I haven't been writing. I continue to put a lot of creative energy into my book project (dealing with the necessity for a parent to talk openly and often about sex and relationships) but not so much time into the blog. I ask you, our faithful readers, to extend some grace...and to pray that God would have His way with the book project.

But back to Christmas...

Hopefully your family is putting the Advent guide we recommended to good use. Whatever you are doing this December, make sure you are doing something to keep your family focused on the right things this Christmas. This requires real intentionality. Why? Because there is just so much to distract us.

The pressures of the season, the busy-ness of our lives, the financial obligations...all of these things can very easily distract us from the wonder of the incarnation. And it is doubly true for our kids. If we are not deliberate to keep our kids focused on Christ, our emotions (or our desire for a new i-whatever) will steer us far away from Him.

There are a couple of things that I recommend you read. First, Orange Parents has posted a great little list of Twelve Keys to a Miserable Christmas. It kicked my butt a bit, so be prepared to come under conviction of a few ways that you are already blowing it. Secondly, Mark Driscoll's wife Grace has posted Four Things Not to do This Christmas. It, too, reminded me of some basics that I want to get right over the next few weeks. Finally, FamilyLife has posted an article called Eight Ways to Pressure-Proof Your Holidays. It contains four things to DO and four things to NOT DO.

In these three articles, I have resourced you with 24 different tips for keeping the hearts of your family turned toward Christ this Christmas. That's a lot. Pray that God would give you one or two to take an action step on immediately.

At our house, the greatest tradition we have that reflects the generous heart of Christ is in how our kids give gifts to one another. Since they were very little, we encouraged them to save their money and buy unique gifts for each of their siblings (and mom and dad, too). The presents are never elaborate and rarely cost more than about $5. But they always put some thought into them and they are always excited about wrapping them and putting them under the tree.

I think our kids' favorite part of Christmas morning is getting to see their siblings open the gifts that they picked out for each other. As I have watched this in action over the past few years, I think they have finally come to embrace the reality that "it is better to give than to receive."

Whatever you do, be sure to ask God to give you ideas and direction about celebrating Christmas with your family in a way that glorifies Christ.

Do you have a family tradition that makes the most of Christ at Christmas?

An Excellent Advent Guide for Families

Thanksgiving is behind us and Christmas is just around the corner. Sadly, with Black Friday marking the official beginning of the Christmas season, it is easy for even the most spiritual of us to get caught up in the commercialism of it all.

Imperfect and Normal Families like ours must be very diligent to keep our hearts turned toward Christ during these days. If not, we run a huge risk of losing sight of the significance of His birth to our lives and to our world.

One way to keep both parents and kids focused upon our Savior is to utilize an Advent calendar of devotions and family worship times. The Village Church outside of Dallas, Texas (regularly podcast at the Johnson house) has produced an excellent Advent resource. For each of the five weeks leading up to Christmas, the guide contains a devotion for families AND a personal study guide that can be used by adults and teens. They also include an appendix with some great ideas for families with younger children.

You can find the document here: Download Advent-guide.

We pray that your family would draw closer to Christ and to one another as you work through these Advent worship times together. And we hope that your Christmas is filled with the hope and joy that can only come from the knowledge that our Redeemer has come into the world...and that He changes everything.

Knock Knock. Who's There? A Father Wound.

I ran across a powerful video from poet Daniel Beaty. I don't usually get excited about performance art like this, but it's well worth the two and half minutes you'll spend on it. In the reciting of his poem "Knock Knock," he articulates the father wound he experienced and his response to it in adulthood.

While the disappointment you might have with your father might not be as significant as his, you can certainly relate to the regret that in some ways, your parents let you down. More importantly, it will cause you to reflect on your own parenting. 

The challenge for us is to do all we can to let God lead us to be the parents that our kids desperately need. Only He can be the perfect Father, but we must strive to emulate Him. For the parents that we are will, in many ways, be the picture that our kids develop of God.

Knock knock....Who's there?

 

 

Glee Deals with "The First Time"

Glee is a wildly popular and very entertaining show, effectively targeted at teens and young adults. For those of you who have been living on Mars for the past few years, it follows the lives of the students and teachers affiliated with the glee club at large high school. Riding the momentum of the "High School Musical" wave, the choir is made up of a diverse group of students, all united in their love of music. It is not uncommon for them to bust out in song to elaborately choreographed numbers at least three or four times an episode.

In addition to the natural likability of the show's format, Glee has tackled some pretty heavy topics over it's two and a half seasons.

Tuesday night's airing of Glee had two couples, one gay and one straight, losing their virginity. The episode was aptly titled "The First Time." Given the popularity of Glee with teenagers, it is likely that your kids either watched it, will watch it on online later, or will talk with others who watched it. Wise parents will make sure they are ready to talk about it.

The Parent's Television Council called the episode "reprehensible." PTC President Tim Winter said, "Research proves that television is a teen sexual super peer that can, and likely will, influence a teen’s decision to become sexually active. Fox knows the show inherently attracts kids; celebrating teen sex constitutes gross recklessness."

Contrast that with the viewpoint of the show's creators.

Chris Colfer, who plays a gay character describes it this way: "I think it's handled very sweetly and very emotionally," he said. "They're expecting this big, raunchy, suggestive, brainwashing storyline when really it's very sweet."

Colfer's perspective is exactly what concerns me. Presentations like this further tells our kids that as long as it is "sweet" and you are "in love" then it's all okay. And our kids are being fed an endless supply of this drivel. Without somebody to tell them differently, it is the perspective that, over time, they will develop as their own. 

I spent most of this past weekend working on a book project designed to remind parents that it is their job to train and equip their kids to guard their future sexuality. The very health and strength of their future marriages depend on it. Seeing the content of this new Glee episode serves to remind me of what we are up against.

If you google "Glee First Time," you will get 50 million hits. Most on the first few pages are reviews of last night's episode. The best I can tell, all of them are glowingly positive. The world loves this stuff. So do our kids. Pray for opportunities to discuss these issues with the ones that live at your house. If your kids are fans of the show, you might try watching this episode with them. 

Whatever you do, don't demonize it. It's too entertaining to be "bad" in their mind, so if you do that, your kids might think you're completely irrelevant and you will have lost your influence.

Stay clued in, parents!!

*For the curious out there who didn't get a chance to see the episode, there is a pretty detailed synopsis at Billboard.com.

Family Devotion Idea: Added Value

*About twice a month, we try to post the outline of a family devotion that you and your kids can do together. Carve out some time with your kids for a fun and creative discussion this week!

Teaching Goal: God loves us for who we are, not what we do.

Scripture: Luke 15:11-32 Parable of the Lost Son

1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

Materials:
Paper
$20 bill
Baseball or other trading cards

Lesson and Discussion:

*Words that are written in bold are when you, the parent, are speaking. Feel free to use your own words.

Tell the story of the Prodigal Son in your own words. If your children are familiar with the story then you may ask your children to tell you the story. Fill in the gaps. Emphasize the unwise decisions that the younger son made and how he ended up eating with the pigs. He finally decided to come home and his dad met him with open arms, hugs, and kisses.

Even though the younger son made some bad choices and did some really bad things, his father still loved him. I want you to know that when you make bad choices and do bad things, it makes me sad but it does not change my love for you.

Jesus tells us this story because in some ways each one of us is the lost son, and he wants us to know that God our Heavenly Father loves us no matter what bad things we have done. God loves to hear us say, “I’m sorry,” change our behavior, and come home.

ACTIVITY:
Give each person a piece of paper. Let’s say that this is paper that we purchased to write on. Follow me and do what I do. Go outside, in the garage or somewhere that you can get the paper really dirty. Rub it in the dirt. Flick a few drops of water on the paper and crumple it up. Crunch the paper into a small ball in your hand. Now, unfold it. Is this still good paper for writing? Would your teacher accept homework turned in on this paper? Should we use it or throw it away? Throw it away because it has lost its value as writing paper.

Take out the $20 bill. Now, I’m going to do the same thing with this $20 bill. Rub it in dirt, flick some water on it, crumple it up and then unfold it. Should I throw it away? NO! Why not? Because it is still worth $20. We had two pieces of paper but one did not lose its value. The paper that is used to make a $20 bill is still valuable because the U.S. Government has added value to the piece of paper. The U.S. Government has said that even if it is dirty, wet, or crumpled, the bill is worth $20.

Just like the U.S. Government has added value to the $20 bill, God has added value to you. When you become a Christian and ask Jesus to live in your heart, he makes you clean and new again. Jesus is the added value in our lives. So even if you make sinful choices, Jesus still lives in you. When God looks at you he sees past all of the dirty sin to the beautiful heart Jesus is at work creating in you.

You can use baseball cards or other trading cards that are popular with the kids. If your kids are collectors you can ask them why certain cards have more value than others. This example uses baseball cards.

In general, two things tend to add value to baseball cards: how rare the card is and how unique the player on the card is. Here are two baseball cards. They are made out of the same kind of paper. Both have a picture on the front of a baseball player. If I tried to sell them, I would get a lot more for this one. Why? Let the children guess and share their answers. This card has a picture of one of the best players in baseball. This card has a picture of a very average player. The card of the good player is worth more because he hits more home runs, steals bases, pitches better, etc. The picture of a better player adds value to the piece of cardboard and people are willing to pay more for it. You can compare a variety of cards and even share stories behind why you might have collected the cards. If they are cards that belong to your children, listen to them talk about the cards and learn why they value them.

As Christians, believers in Jesus, we have added value. In the same way that the good player adds value to the card, Jesus adds value to us. Listen to what the Bible says about us, “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God.” We are royal priests. When God looks at us he sees Jesus in our lives. We have added value.

If you liked this devotion idea, there are hundreds more available from Family Time Training. See the link on the right side of this page for more information.

A Ministry Opportunity...

This isn't typical INFO for Families stuff, but I have a ministry need that social media might help with.

Does anybody in Atlanta know of someone who has a rent house available for a young family on the north side of town? Some Johnson Ferry folks are trying to help a new family in the church get on their feet and we are looking for options.

Please contact me if you have any suggestions...and please feel free to share with others.

Do You Have a Vision for Your Marriage and Family?

In the day-to-day grind of our lives, few of us take the time to consider what our ultimate vision is for our families. The stresses of life often force us to tackle one crisis at a time without a clear thought of what we are ultimately building in our homes.

In recent days, I have experienced this first-hand. Even those of us in "family ministry" can be so focused upon serving others in the church that we neglect to serve those that we share a home with. As a husband and a father, I have to recognize that my wife and children need and deserve my very best. When I lead my family "on the fly" (which I am prone to do), everybody suffers. Instead, God wants us to live our lives out of a sense of purpose that comes from Him as revealed in His Word.

With these issues in mind, I want to invite you to listen to the radio broadcast of FamilyLife for today (Monday, October 17) and tomorrow (Tuesday, October 18). Their guest is Rob Rienow of Visionary Family Ministries. I want you to listen because what he shares is paradigm-shifting stuff. It has the power to change how you lead your family. But I have another agenda, as well...

If you live in Atlanta (and go to Johnson Ferry), Rienow's interview can serve as a "teaser" for you. Rob will be with us at Johnson Ferry on Sunday morning, January 22. He will be teaching part one of his Visionary Parenting curriculum in a large-group Bible study format. Then, we will be encouraging all adult classes with children still at home to utilize his 8 week video study during the next few months. Rob's perspective is Biblical, powerful, and will serve to re-focus us all on what really matters.

So take a few moments to listen to his FamilyLife interview with Dennis Rainey. It's very good stuff.

You can find it online at FamilyLife Today.

Should We Revise the Bible to Fit the 21st Century?

There are many well-meaning people who insist that we should drag the Bible kicking and screaming into our modern culture. After all, they reason, some of the principles and truths we find there are obviously outdated.

But what if God’s Truth is eternal? What if it remains true in spite of the shifting sands of our society? What if the reason our world is so messed up today is because we have rejected His Truth and done what the last verse of Judges says, where “everyone did what was right in their own eyes?”

Piers Morgan interviewed Joel Osteen on his program a few nights ago. It makes me cringe that Osteen is such a prominent figure and that people might presume that he captures the essence of the Christian faith. Some of Osteen’s responses to moral issues were just plain wishy-washy. I’m not sure he clearly stands on much of anything.

Albert Mohler wrote a post that has some excellent observations on how Osteen’s thinking (or lack thereof) is reflective of many in the church today. It is well worth a read.

Dragged Kicking and Screaming into the Modern Age

I would value your thoughts on Mohler's post, especially in light of how we must maintain Biblical standards as we do marriage and family in this culture. Comments are always welcome.

Moms, Do you Ever Feel Like you are Under House Arrest?

Being a stay-at-home-mom has to be one of the most difficult jobs in all of creation. You serve your guts out for years doing sometimes menial tasks again and again. Ultimately, you don't know if you have been successful in your job until twenty years later when you launch a young adult off on their own.

I came across a beautiful and simple blog post by a young mom currently in the middle of the most mundane years of parenthood. She compared her role to being under "house arrest." Then she came across an encouraging passage in the book of Acts from the life of Paul. Her thoughts are wonderful. You should read them.

Debra Fileta on House Arrest.

"I just wish I would have known..."

Yesterday at Johnson Ferry, I "helped" preach the sermon in all three sanctuary services. (Just writing that makes me think of that annoying little girl in that 70's Shake and Bake commercial: "It's a sermon, and I helped!") Most of you people have no idea what I'm talking about. For the few of you do...that was free.

The sermon topic was "Missing Dads" and it was one message in our pastor's ongoing series on Contemporary American Values. Thomas Nelson, one of our Teaching Pastors, was slated to give the message. He invited me, a father of five and, according to him, Johnson Ferry's "resident expert on marriage and family" to give some practical application in the middle of his message.

Here's the truth that he didn't know: having five kids (aged 4-19) doesn't make a you a expert on anything related to parenting. What it does is point out more and more your inadequacies in all things related to raising children. The sermon Thomas and I ended up communicating together was for me more than anybody else...I just got to be a part of articulating it.

If you're interested in watching/hearing the message, you can find it at the Right from the Heart website at this link: Missing Dads.

So here it is on Monday afternoon and I'm sitting in my office at the church, minding my own business, when an older couple walks in. I say "hello" and the man introduces himself to me. He then tells me that he heard the sermon on Sunday and that he wanted to say "thanks for sharing."

Then he got quiet. His eyes began to mist up. He was obviously struggling to talk.

His wife then explained to me that they just came from visiting their son in jail. He had gotten into some significant legal trouble due to a number of DUI's. His most recent judge was gracious but gave some pretty rigid warnings about what might happen if he drinks again. They were both obviously overwhelmed.

Holding back his tears, the man went on to say this: "I just wish I would have known when he was younger just how big an impact my shortcomings as a dad would have on his life."

Let that percolate for a few seconds, fellas.

Here was a man who could look at his adult son and have some very significant regrets regarding how he parented him. He went on to describe how failures that seemed like small things when his son was a teenager have evolved into to very big things in his adulthood. I don't know how else to describe him, besides to say that his face was covered with deep sorrow.

As Thomas and I preached on Sunday, I must confess that there were a lot of grey heads in the sanctuary. In many ways, I felt we were preaching to the wrong crowd. If anything, I hope that the grandfathers in the room felt moved to come alongside their sons and sons-in-law as THEY parent. And to share their regrets as this man did to me.

While Dads cannot control how our kids turn out, we do have some clear directives given to us by God. If we fail to be obedient to those things, then we have failed our kids.

My prayer for me today (and my prayer for every Imperfect and Normal Dad out there) is that we depend upon God's presence to empower us, God's Word to direct us, and God's grace to catch us when we fail.

And there are times when we will fail. May God help us all. 

Challenging Men to "Courageous" Living

I think I'm like most Christian men in that I feel the responsibility of being the "spiritual leader of my home."  The bad news is that I don't have a clear picture of what that means. I usually end up feeling inadequate in many ways. I know that this is what God has for me, but I often live with a deep sense of failure because I simply don't know how to do it.

The new movie "Courageous" opens this weekend. Produced by the same people who made Fireproof and Facing the Giants, this message movie hopes to inspire men to begin to take the first steps toward being the men God has called them to be.

 

Find where it might be showing in a theater near you by going to the official movie website.

Or you can check out some of the great resources that Focus on the Family has put together on their Courageous Website.

Make plans to see this movie with your spouse. Pray that it would stir in all of us the desire to lead and shepherd our families more effectively.

Family Devotion Idea: Image of God

*About twice a month, we try to post the outline of a family devotion that you and your kids can do together. Carve out some time with your kids for a fun and creative discussion this week!

Teaching Goal: We have Godly attributes because we are made in God’s image.

Scripture: Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

Materials: Quarter
Photograph of someone you know
Option 1: Sidewalk chalk
Option 2: Large paper and markers
Bright light

Lesson and Discussion:

*Words that are written in bold are when you, the parent, are speaking. Feel free to use your
own words.

ACTIVITY #1: Invite a volunteer to read Genesis 1:27. In this very first chapter of the Bible we learn how God created the heavens, the earth, light, darkness, animals and finally, in this verse, God creates men and women, males and females. The verse tells us that we are created in the image of God. What does the word “image” mean? Listen to answers. To look like. A person strikingly like another. A tangible or visible representation. What do you see on the front of this quarter? Answer or guess. This is the image of our first president, George Washington. Is it really George Washington? No. Its just his image. What about this image is probably accurate and what isn’t accurate? The sloping forehead, long hair, nose and mouth are probably accurate. Silver skin, small size, flat shape are not accurate.

Show the photograph. Who is in this picture? Listen to answers. This is not the actual person. It is an image of the person. Have you ever had your picture taken and because of the angle or the lighting you didn’t think it looked very much like you? How is this picture accurate and how is it not an accurate image? Listen to answers.

ACTIVITY #2: Let’s make our own image! Option 1: Trace each person on the sidewalk/driveway using sidewalk chalk. Option 2: Use the bright light to create a shadow and trace each person on a large piece of paper. In the same way the drawing represents an image of us, we each represent an image of God! Inside our image let’s write down characteristics we have that are like God.

Creative, Helpful, Honest, Compassionate, Loving, Caring, Hopeful, Generous, Friendly, Giving, Unique, Loyal

Outside of our image let’s write down characteristics that are a part of our lives that are not accurate images of God.

Sinful, Dishonest, Stealing, Careless, Mean, Disobedient, Grumpy, Greedy, Selfish, Hurtful

We can learn more about what God is like by reading the Bible. God wants us to act and be more like Him and less like those characteristics that don’t accurately reflect His image.

If you liked this devotion idea, there are hundreds more available from Family Time Training. See the link on the right side of this page for more information.

Jon Acuff's Four Second Parenting Advice

Jon Acuff is smart, funny, and usually spot-on in his satire of the church. In addition to his humorous take on the Christian life, he often surprises me with wonderfully wise insights on marriage, parenting, and faith.

In his post from a few days ago, he offers a simple tip for parents that, in just four seconds, can change the dynamic of your relationship with your kids. He makes application for the little ones at his house, but the coaching is also solid for parents of teenagers...perhaps even more so.

But be prepared to get your toes stepped on. While parents are quick to judge their kids for their over-dependence on technology, we are seeing more and more adults who are just as tied to their cell phones as their kids are. Is this you? Then you definitely need to read Acuff's short little post. It packs a wallop.

Did I just use the word "wallop?" Wow. Spell check didn't flag it, so I guess it's a real word.

Anyway, here's the post: How To Be a Better Parent in Four Seconds

According to Pat Robertson: God's Word and God's Will Can be Trusted...Most of the Time

Christian Television personality Pat Roberston has created another firestorm of controversy. He did so while responding to a viewer's question about if it was okay for a man to date another woman while his wife was struggling with Alzheimer's disease.

Robertson's advice: "He should divorce her and start all over again." While he agreed that this was a difficult moral choice, he was hesitant about putting someone on a guilt trip for making a decision like that. You can see more of what he said on an ABC news report found here.

While I am tempted to make comments about Robertson's tendency to put his foot in his mouth, I won't do that here. (It seems that everyone else is.) I don't think Robertson is an evil man...just a bit too past his prime to be "winging it" and making off-the-cuff statements before thinking them through. I predict that his ministry will release a "clarification statement" as sort of an apology for what he said. This is what usually happens.

What concerns me is how prevalent Robertson's perspective is in the Church. While he said something that is specifically offensive to families of Alzheimer's patients, his comments capture the general philosophy that permeates so much of the body today. It might sound like this:

"God's Word and God's will can be trusted...most of the time. Sure, we should follow the principles and truths that God gives us in scripture, but there are some situations when it is okay to ignore them. Really committed Christians are zealously devoted to strict obedience to God, but most of us regular people have to use our best judgement to identify those situations when the scripture doesn't apply." 

I call this "Yeah, but" Christianity. You subtly hear it when a Christian is rationalizing a decision that just about every believer around them is saying is Biblically wrong.

It looks like this: "God says to be forever faithful to your spouse? Yeah, but my situation is unique.

"Yeah, but she is very sick."

Or: "Yeah, but he is very mean."

Or: "Yeah, but I don't feel like I love her any more."

We adjust what God said to match our own opinions or experience. And it is usually done in the name of our own happiness, comfort, or convenience. But what it really shows is our own arrogance and pride.

It is the ultimate in arrogance to say to the God who created us "I know better than You what is best for me. You can be trusted with the majority of my life; but not this part. I must ignore your clearly defined will for me in order to experience the life that I have planned for myself."

When will God's children finally learn the lesson He has been trying to teach us since the fall of man? Obedience to God results in blessings. Disobedience results in suffering. No matter how difficult the path that God has for us, we can trust that He is with us. We can trust that he is always true to His Word. We can trust that He knows what He is doing.

And it is not our place to pick and choose when He is right and when He is wrong. 

If our ultimate goal is to glorify God in our lives (and it should be), then choosing to do some difficult things may be the best way to show the world Who He is. Following Pat Robertson's advice may get a man some companionship, but it won't get God much glory.

For a very encouraging anti-version of Pat Robertson's perspective, read the story of Robertson McQuilkin as reported in Christianity Today back in 2004. God is honored in a big way through this one man's faithfulness. Keep the tissues close.

 

 

 

 

How to Ruin Your Teen's Life

We designed a Sunday morning class at Johnson Ferry to deal with the specific needs of the parents of high school students. Aptly named "LAUNCH," our desire is to provide parents with the biblical insights and tools to disciple and prepare their teens for life after high school.

The class is currently working through a classic parenting book by Jay Kesler called "Ten Mistakes Parents Make with Teenagers (and How to Avoid Them)." It addresses many of the issues that parents have a tendency to handle poorly with their kids. It has been challenging for many of our parents.

I ran across a great list on Family Life's website that offers some similar (though different) insights. If you are currently in the middle of these challenging years, it would serve you well to consider the list. Here's what author Tricia Goyer had to say...

 

How to Ruin Your Teens for Life

Eleven ways to ensure that your teenager will not be prepared for the future.

 

1. Hide your past mistakes. Put on an act that you are perfect and your teenagers are the ones with all the problems. (After all, if your teens hear what you did in your past, they might want to follow.)

2. Don’t worry about where they are going and what they are doing. You didn’t want to be hounded at that age. You didn’t want to be asked all those questions. Instead, trust that they know how they should act and where they should go.

3. Don’t worry about them getting a summer job and having to work to make money. Teens are only teens once. They need time to have fun with friends and relax. There will be time to work later. They don’t need to worry about a work ethic now.

4. Don’t force them to attend church and youth group. Things are already touchy—you have to hound them about homework, about their friends, and about their clothes—don’t make church another thing you hound them about.

5. Don’t worry about talking to them about sex and purity. You’re their parent, for goodness sake. You don’t want to bring the subject up and have them thinking about you having sex. And you don’t want to think about them in their sexual lives. There are other people more knowledgeable and trained to talk to your teens; leave it to them.

6.  Completely shelter your teens from the outside world.  Make sure they don't watch any secular movies or to any secular music.  Hide the newspapers, too.  Their "world" should only be about your family's values.  They don't need to learn about all that bad stuff out there.  They don't need to make wise media choices or deal with unwholesome people.  They don't need to see that there's a world out there that is greatly in need of Jesus.  Let someone else deal with impacting and influencing culture.*

7. Tell them, “Do what I say, not what I do.” Make them accept the areas where you fall short, but expect them to do better.

8. Buy your teens whatever they ask for. That’s your role as a parent—to make your teens happy.

9. Don’t let your teen get involved in an overseas mission trip. There are all types of scary things that happen on those trips, and your first priority is to keep your teen safe.

10. Don’t become your teens’ sounding board. They’ll need to learn to figure things out on their own in the future, so they might as well start now.

11. Don’t share with your teen how important God is in your life. A personal relationship with God is personal, and it should stay that way.

 

Everyone But the Center...

You need to watch this clip.

It is awesome on many levels: It is funny...it features Texas football...and it illustrates something quite relevant to families today.

 

"False start. On everyone BUT the center." Brilliant.

Do you ever feel like the center? While everybody else is doing the wrong thing, you stand alone, wondering if it would be much easier just to go along with the crowd.

It actually sounds tempting.

A Few Observations on the Crafts Your Preschooler Makes at Church

I’d like to rant a bit about one of the most important decisions a parent must make regarding their children. Of course, I’m talking about this troubling question: 

“What do I do with the craft projects my preschooler makes while in the church nursery?”

Unlike some insignificant one-time choices (like what college they will attend, for example), this issue must be faced on a weekly basis, so a parent’s strategy must be carefully considered.    

Preschool art projects are designed to reinforce the story your child was taught in class. That pipe-cleaner Jonah glued to the construction paper whale is not just a time-filler. It is an intentional tool designed to further reinforce the theological implications of evangelism, unmerited grace, and obedience to the voice of God. That’s quite a stretch for a three year old, but I guess it’s my job to help her to make the connection. 

I have to be honest: I would care about these creations a lot more if my daughter were actually aware of the fact that she had made something. In most cases, the complexity of the craft suggests that her teacher did most of the work. This is affirmed by the blank stares I get from my child when I ask her about her scale model of Solomon’s Temple made from popsicle sticks. She typically gives me a look that says, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Class for New Parents Starting Soon at Johnson Ferry

You are about to bring a new baby home. Are you ready?

For those in the Atlanta area, I would invite you to spread the word on a new class at Johnson Ferry that offers support, guidance and expert advice for first-time moms and dads.
 
During pregnancy, first-time parents are lavished with gifts and showered with suggestions from experienced mothers and fathers. From childbirth preparation, to breastfeeding basics, to week-by-week instruction on what to expect during pregnancy, classes and literature abound for the expectant couple. But once the highly anticipated baby has arrived, how do new moms and dads transition from pregnancy to parenthood with ease?
 
Johnson Ferry Baptist Church is pleased to announce the return of New Parenting Basics—a complimentary class for expectant and first-time parents that will educate them on how to parent as a team and divide responsibilities, while building a strong bond between the newborn and each other. Open to the community, the study will be led by experts in marriage, parenting and family relationships. This four-Sunday course will begin on September 11 and end on October 2.
 
“The New Parenting Basics class will offer practical and encouraging insights to couples expecting their first child. The course will cover everything from hospital expectations to parenting basics. It is an excellent venue for asking questions and creating a community with other couples in a similar life stage,” said Marsha Crowe, Minister to Women at Johnson Ferry Baptist Church.
 
Feedback from previous participants indicates the course has been instrumental in preparing first-time moms and dads for the wondrous experience of parenthood. For more information, you can call Elisabeth O’Brien at 678-784-5230, or register online at JohnsonFerry.org.

How to Fight Well

Conflict is normal. Even in marriage. But we must make sure we are fighting fair and working through disagreements in a way that moves us toward greater oneness, not greater frustration.

Here's a great article on Relevant's website that gives some clear ground rules for fighting with your spouse. Read it with a microscope on yourself, not on your spouse. Look for the 2X4 in your eye long before you start pointing out the splinter in your spouse's eye. 

Be honest with yourself. How many of these rules do you break?

Here's Tor Constantino on How to Fight Well.

The Dangerous Side of Romance Novels

Could it be that romance novels have the potential to do women what porn does to men? In a great blog post I want to point you toward, Russell Moore makes a great argument for that very possibility.

While I would never presume to suggest that they can do the same damage to a soul or a marriage (porn is just too deadly), they both have the power to dramatically change our expectations of what love, sex, and marriage should be.

Don't take my word for it. Read Moore's post Can Romance Novels Hurt Your Heart?

Getting Little Kids Ready for Big Church

It's back to school time, which means for many of us, it's back to church time. I'm not in any way suggesting that summers are for skipping church, but if your church is like mine, the fall is synonymous with getting back into the discipline of regular attendance in worship.

For many families, peaceful worship can be ruined by the stress of keeping small children in check. Whether your church community offers programming for kids or not, we must all begin to help our kids learn to worship with the family of faith.

Allow me to forward to an excellent blog post from Jen Wilken, a mother of four and a women's Bible study teacher at The Village Church in the Dallas area. Her post, Big Church for Small Kids offers some great insights and tips into managing the transition.

It may be just what you needed before this Sunday morning!