INFO for Families

The Dangerous Side of Romance Novels

Could it be that romance novels have the potential to do women what porn does to men? In a great blog post I want to point you toward, Russell Moore makes a great argument for that very possibility.

While I would never presume to suggest that they can do the same damage to a soul or a marriage (porn is just too deadly), they both have the power to dramatically change our expectations of what love, sex, and marriage should be.

Don't take my word for it. Read Moore's post Can Romance Novels Hurt Your Heart?

Wives, Want to Spice Up Your Love Life a Bit?

Wives -- want to spice up your love life a bit? Pop over to author and speaker Sheila Gregoire's blog To Love, Honor, and Vacuum for free "Love Coupons." Don't worry, they're not x-rated, but they are a little steamy! You'll have to enter your email address at this link, but then you'll receive the free coupons in your inbox. While you're there, check out Sheila's books, too! 

50 Ideas to Inspire Your Husband

Perhaps you enjoy processing through incredibly deep articles about the human condition. Perhaps you enjoy the possibility of considering the ramifications of a new philosophical approaches to marriage and family life.

Perhaps you are reading the wrong blog.

Here at INFO, we want to base everything on foundational biblical principles...which will often require some thoughtful and prayerful consideration. But we are rarely very deep. We're more on the practical side. We want to make you think, but we also want to help you act.

So that's why I like simple challenges that you can put to work right away. I enjoyed posting Family Life's 50 Things You Can Say to Make Your Child Feel Great about a month ago. Hopefully, you acted on them immediately.

Today, I'm giving you a link to Family Life's blog where Janel Breitenstein once again gives us a handy list. While many of you know there are 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, most of you have never considered that there are over 50 Ideas to Inspire Your Husband.

I love this stuff because it is practical, intentional and easy. Don't let another hour go by where you don't give one of these a shot. And if you are a guy reading this, just pick one of the 50 ideas and give it a twist that would bless your wife.

Get to it...

 

11 Rules on Marriage You Won't Learn in School

Here's a fun yet brilliant little piece by Dennis Rainey of Family Life. He gives 11 great truths that we need to remember about marriage. It would be a good list to visit immediately after watching a romantic movie or after visiting with someone you think has a perfect marriage. Note: the movie isn't real and your friends don't have a perfect marriage.

You can read his list right here. Go ahead and click. 

Six No-No's for Relating to Your Woman

I promised you another link today as a coaching tip for men. It's something of a follow up to the post from yesterday.

This one comes from Mary May Larmoyeux via the good people at Family Life. It's targeted at men (obviously) so if you are a woman and think that the author is on to something, I give you my full permission to print it out, put it in an envelope and give it to your husband. Tell him that "Barrett wanted you to read this."

Here's the article...

Six No-No's for Relating to Your Woman

Six No-No's for Relating to Your Man

If you're married (or engaged...or planning to get engaged or married...or if you have ever thought to yourself "I would like to be engaged or married") then there is one thing  you must do.

It is the one simple, practical activity that every married person can benefit from. We recommend it for couples in crisis and marriages that have stagnated. We hand the tools out like candy as part of our Marriage Prep Workshops. It truly is an amazing life-changer for any couple.

What is it?

It's reading the simple little books "For Women Only" and "For Men Only." Written by the Feldhahns, these little books can truly revolutionize how you understand and treat your spouse. (Have no fear, non-readers of the world...they are a short, easy read.)

We are amazed at how many men and women don't understand the critical differences in how God has created the two genders. And we are shocked at how many people do truly foolish things in their relationships. For example, a woman criticizes her husband, thinking it will motivate him to change. Or a man gets mad at his wife for being emotional and not rational. These are truly destructive behaviors that work against our own best interests. 

It's like feeding poison to your spouse and then being surprised when they get sick.

That's why we love these little books. They outline some practical AND BIBLICAL principles in response to the inner lives of men and women. When people read them, it's like light bulbs are turned on in their minds.

Jenifer spoke just last week to a woman in her mid 50's who had recently read "For Women Only." Note that she has been married for more than 30 years. She said that she was shocked at how much she learned. As she has made some changes in how she interacts with her husband, she said that it has been truly revolutionary.

So here's your homework: get your hands on these books immediately. You can easily order them online right here. We tell couples in Marriage Prep to read them in reverse. In other words, guys read the books written for girls first and girls read the one for guys. As you read, underline stuff, put exclamation points in the margins, and make any additional comments. Then let your spouse read their book. That way, it's not just a book on men in general; it's a manual on the man you married. It makes for some great conversations.

So back to the title of this blog...the Six No-No's for Relating to Your Man. Robert Lewis (creator of the Men's Fraternity resource) has written a great post for Family Life with some coaching tips for women. There are some parallels between his tips and what you might find in For Women Only. So that's what got me started.

You can read the article by clicking on the link below. I will post a similar link for men tomorrow.

Six No-No's for Relating to Your Man.

The Retro Wife Experiment

Here's an interesting blog to follow. Emily Osborne is a former Johnson Ferry member and an all-around great gal. In addition to writing an excellent book on marriage mentoring (Everyday Experts), she is now in the middle of living 50 days as a 1950's housewife.

Before somebody calls me a chauvinist pig, know that I'm not endorsing her decision, but I confess that I am curious to see what she learns along the way. I will be checking Emily's blog throughout the summer, anxious to see what she writes.

Curious? Go to The Retro Wife Experiment to see more. 

Women Who Do it All...Men Who Do Nothing

I came across an insightful article this morning on my MSN home page. Nicole Yorio writes about women who carry almost all the responsibilities in the home...and then resent their husbands for it.

While it's not written from a Biblical perspective, I think there are lots of great Biblical truths hiding beneath the surface. Things like...

*A man's responsibility to love, serve, and lead his wife. (Ephesians 5:22-29)

*Husband and wife operating together as "one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

*Looking first to the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-7) 

While I don't agree with every single thing she writes, it does offer up some great food for thought. It might be one of those that a couple can read together, consider what God's Word says, and then take a good long look at how they operate on a day-to-day basis.

To read the article click here.

A Simple (Yet Difficult) Truth that Could Save Your Marriage

A few Sundays ago, I was invited by a class of young couples at our church to teach a Bible study from I Peter 3. This passage is chock full of great marriage advice, so I was all over it. The first seven verses of the text were quite familiar to me as I often read them at weddings.

But for the purposes of the class, I explored the next several verses, as well, taking note of how we might apply these general principles to marriage. And that's when I saw it: a simple principle that, if followed, has the power to change the dynamic of even the most troubled of marriages.

I Peter 3:9 (in the New Living Translation) says this: "Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it." 

Most of us are not very good at returning a blessing when we are wronged. What most of us are good at is giving people what they deserve. If they hurt us, then they deserve to be hurt. If our spouse wrongs us, our natural tendency is to let them know how it feels by responding in kind.

Wife's Nickname Leads to Divorce

How To Be a Better-Than-Average Husband, Tip #37

One of the best (and simplest) ways to create and maintain affection with your wife is to give her a unique pet name. This term of endearment will come in handy in moments of intimacy and on those rare occasions when you need to get out of the doghouse. But choose her pet name wisely. Apparently, this guy didn't choose very well.

Wife's nickname leads to divorce - Baltimore News, Weather, Breaking News | WMAR-TV

The Gardener's Mentality

By Jimmy Evans

Jimmy Evans is the founder of MarriageToday Ministries.  Go to his website at http://marriagetoday.org for some great tools to enrich your marriage.

We all marry imperfect people, and we ourselves are imperfect. Even though that may seem like an obvious truth, many people become overwhelmed by the faults of their spouse. In fact, it is common for most of us to wonder if we married the right person at some point in time.

Of course, the devil loves to point out our spouse’s flaws and problems to us because he is the accuser. He works division within couples by making accusations against each spouse. And because of the many flaws we all have, he has no shortage of ammunition to work with.

To stop the devil in his tracks and to keep our spouse’s faults from overwhelming us and damaging our marriage, we must adopt the correct mentality. I call it the gardener’s mentality. It is the opposite of the consumer’s mentality. Let me explain what I mean.

Jenifer's Perspective: Biblical Womanhood

To start with, I don’t claim to have all the realities of Biblical womanhood figured out.   I do know that God keeps calling me to continue to set the bar high for what He would have us to do and be as we walk with Him, encourage our husbands, and raise our children to follow Christ.  And I’m honored to get to speak into your life in this setting.

 

One simple challenge that I often give to women is to never stop learning.  God has so much to show us, if only we’ll offer Him a teachable spirit.  Without it, we’ll unknowingly allow ungodly tendencies and habits to sneak into all of our relationships.  Some of the best ways to position yourself to keep growing include…

 

*Staying in the Word.  We cannot delete this vital necessity from our lives.  It is the single most powerful means to a transformed life. (Romans 12:2)  Utilize a Bible study resource or simply read through the One Year Bible.   Whatever you do, GET INTO THE WORD!

 

*Finding a Mentor.  Throughout the scriptures, we see the value of having someone come alongside us to challenge and encourage us in our faith.  On a personal note, I can’t say enough about the value of those women whom God has used to sharpen me!  If you don’t have someone like that in your life, begin to pray that God would lead you to someone.   In the meantime, be creative!  One of my favorite mentors is Nancy Leigh DeMoss who I listen to online at her website (www.reviveourhearts.com).  She has no idea who I am, but I have grown under her teaching nonetheless!

 

*Reading a Good Book.  Great authors can offer amazing and practical insights into every aspect of your life.  Make sure that they are Biblically-based and encourage a Christian worldview, or else it’s just self-help.  If you want a good book to start with, every woman should read Shaunti Feldhahn’s “For Women Only.”  Likewise, your husband should ready “For Men Only.”  (There’s also a brand-new “For Young Women Only” that offers great insights into the mind of the young men of today.)  These are sound, well-researched books that have the potential to revolutionize how you love your spouse.

Marriage First...Kids Second

Excerpts from “Parenting by The Book”

By John Rosemond

 

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

 

Genesis 2:24 records the moment that God, immediately after creating woman from the rib of man, establishes marriage - the union of a male and a female - as the foundation of the family, the child rearing unit. The meaning of this is as clear as mountain air: God intends for children to be reared by a man and a woman who are committed to one another for life. Period. His holy parenting plan does not include a variety of options.

 

Make no mistake about it, however, Genesis 2:24 makes clear that it is not enough that children be reared by a man and a woman who are married. It says the man and the woman in question must be, in their parenting, united as "one flesh" in order for their marriage and, therefore, their parenting to work as it should - as God planned it. They must, in other words, see their children through one set of eyes, adhere to one child rearing plan (God's, not one of their own devising, that "works for them") that incorporates one set of goals, share one set of values, and act as one body when it comes to loving, teaching, and disciplining their children. Parents whose child rearing fits this description can be said to be "parenting from within their marriage." First, foremost, and forever, they are husband and wife. The wife is a mother, but she "mothers" from within her role as wife, with primary consideration of the unity she shares with her husband. Not, mind you, primary consideration of her children. The same is true of her husband. When he "fathers," he does so with primary consideration of the bond between himself and his wife. As they rear their children, they are primarily focused not on the children, but on one another. They realize, intuitively, that the single best thing they can ever do for their children is take extremely good care of their marriage. Thusly, it can be accurately said that they are truly of "one flesh." Unfortunately, as we enter the 21st Century, the above description is the exception, not the rule.

Jenifer's Perspective: The Power of a Wife's Respect

One of the greatest joys of my life is to watch God do miracles in the lives of women who choose to obey Him and trust His ways, even when their emotions or circumstances would push them in a different direction.

 

A great example is Cathy (not her real name), a new friend of mine who is three years into a marriage that has become cold, distant, and terribly unsatisfying.  She expressed to me her desire to do things God’s way so I pointed her toward scriptures like I Peter 3:1-4, where God instructs women to “be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

 

So Cathy started asking God to show her ways to win her husband back without words.  And God gave her ideas.  For example, she finally got around to unpacking their new apartment, something she knew her husband desired.  It amazed her how blessed he was and how his heart turned toward her a bit.

I had told her about how husbands enjoy “shoulder-to-shoulder time” with their wives; time spent together while not necessarily saying anything.  So, she started sitting with him while he plays video games, even though she has no interest in such things.  And he began to warm up even further.

Every day she is praying that God would give her more and more ways that she can proactively change the climate of her marriage.

 

Cathy is my hero…she obeyed God, saw changes in her circumstances, and is praising Him for His activity in her life and home.  Her story is encouraging, but it doesn’t mean that everything is perfect; she and her husband still have many challenges.  But she has the confidence that God is walking through this with her.

I pray that I can always remember that God is into the littlest details and that He desires to lead us to do specific but simple things to impact our most treasured relationships.  He’ll do it if we’ll just get ourselves out of the way and listen to Him!

 

Blessings,

Jen

 

Jenifer Johnson is the other, better half of Barrett Johnson, Minister to Young Marrieds and Families.