INFO for Families

In Light of the Tragedy in Connecticut...

People have been asking me for some resources to help families to process through the senseless tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut last week. While we would be wise to protect our youngest children from having to know that such events can even occur, our elementary aged children need parents who will make them aware of what happened as they are likely to hear it from others at school. As much as we would like to guard our kids' innocence, our kids need to hear these things from their parents.

Here are some excellent resources that might help parents to answer some of the questions their kids might be having.

For a general response to how Christians should think and pray in the aftermath of such an enormous tragedy, see how Albert Mohler connects it to "Rachel weeping for her children."

To find some general guidelines to help your child to cope with trauma, Focus on the Family has a great post helping parents to talk with kids about grief in general terms.

For specific topics related to the Connecticut shooting there is a good article on the MSN page.

I like this article from Time about helping your kids to feel safe and secure. But note that it is purely from a secular perspective. Christian parents should obviously stress that God is sovereign and watches over us in ways that schools, law enforcement, and even parents cannot.

Given the great loss of young life, some kids might ask if all children go to heaven. There are some good doctrinal perspectives on children and salvation written by Akin and Mohler on "The Salvation of the Little Ones."

Finally, for parents of teenagers, you might want to engage your kids in a discussion of what can happen to a culture when God is systematically removed from public discourse. Mike Huckabee has a video commentary that is making the rounds online. While the shooter apparently suffered from mental illness (and there are many complex issues related to that) Huckabee points out that our culture tends to rely on God only when we need His help. Other than that, we tend to keep Him at arm's length. You may not agree with everything he says, but it is a good discussion-starter for older kids.

Beyond any and all of this, may we all be diligent to pray for the families who have lost so much, the children who witnessed such horrors and survived, and the community that will continue to care for them all. Their pain right now is beyond what many of us could ever imagine. Pray that they look to God for help like never before. After all, His name is Emmanuel. "God with us."

Come quickly, Lord. We need your rescue.

Watch This Video by John Piper!

This video is SOOOO worth watching.

For those who have suffered the loss of a loved-one, it's worth watching.

For families who want to breathe a little fresh life into the Christmas story, it's worth watching.

For those who want to connect the manger with the cross, it's worth watching.

John Piper, one of the leading voices in the church today, reads a story/poem he wrote about Jesus visiting the Innkeeper in Bethlehem on his way to Jerusalem in his final weeks of life. It takes a few minutes to get going, but I encourage you to stay with it.

Here is the introduction from John Piper's website:

"Have you ever wondered what became of the innkeeper in Bethlehem who let Mary and Joseph have their baby in his barn?

Did he have little children? When the soldiers came from Herod, did they hunt for the birth place of the dangerous baby and start the slaughter there? What did it cost the innkeeper to house the Messiah in his first hours?

In the poem called The Innkeeper, I tried to imagine what might have happened when the soldiers came. And what Jesus might have said if he showed up 30 years later to talk to the innkeeper about it. It’s fiction. But its aim is truth and hope and joy.

Desiring God and Crossway Books have teamed up to make a new video recording of my reading of this poem. We hope it will touch some deep place in your heart, perhaps through a wound. Maybe it will find its way into your Christmas family celebrations, or your small group, or even the gathered church.

If you’ve ever lost a child, or ever faced a tragedy, just when you thought you were doing good, we hope The Innkeeper will bring you comfort and strength. In my experience poetry has a way of touching us sometimes when simple sentences don’t. In one sense, I hope you enjoy it. But there may be deeper emotions too. May the risen Lord Jesus turn your Advent and your Christmas into something really extraordinary this year."

 

Man Raises the Bar on the Traditional Marriage Proposal

Most of the newlywed guys I encounter at our Marriage Prep Workshops can tell stories about how awesome their marriage proposals were. This new lip dub video raises the bar even higher. My eyes even got a little "sweaty" watching it.

It got me to thinking...If only men put as much thought and creativity into their marriages as they do their proposals, there would be a lot more happy wives out there. I'm just saying.

 

This is The Reason God Invented Bedroom Door Locks

This is perhaps the funniest, most authentic and real commercial I have ever seen. I can hardly believe the good people at Ragu made it; much less aired it. I will never think of spaghetti sauce the same way again.

But for Imperfect and Normal Families like ours, this sort of thing could actually happen. It's a reminder, yet again, to take full advantage of the lock on your bedroom door. The very innocence of your children is at stake.

 

Click here to view on Youtube.

My Experience with Marriage Counseling

I am not a professionally licensed counselor, but my pastoral role often has me coaching couples through challenging times. Most of the time, I'm challenging one or both spouses to look to God for His help and direction in getting out of the stagnant place they are and to get moving toward restoration. Jenifer has said that we often end up feeling like cheerleaders. "God can do this. He will help you. Depend on Him to change things. Get out there and fight for your marriage!"

Jenifer was speaking to a dear friend in Texas who was in the process of walking a woman through a marital crisis. Our friend sat at the table in the woman's home, spurring her on to join God in restoring what the enemy had taken. She was apparently being pretty loud and passionate because her two young children came into the room. One of them commented that our friend reminded them of a scene from Pixar's "The Incredibles." Apparently, she sounded a lot like Edna Mode when she was coaching Elastigirl to go and get her husband back.

When our friend got home, she pulled up the clip from the movie:

 

Then she told us the story and passed on the clip to us. Our response: we can relate to Edna Mode.

So here's a heads-up: If you ever want some help for your marriage and you are wondering what sort of help I'm going to offer, know that it's going to look a lot like Edna Mode. Because what she offers rings true...

"Show him that he is Mr. Incredible...and you will remind him who you are!"

"Go. Confront the problem. Fight! Win!"

Do that in the power of the Holy Spirit of God and you're off to a pretty good start...and call me when you get back. I enjoy our visits.

We Need More "Old Love"

Jenifer and I were sitting by the pool the other day, looking at magazines and discussing articles we were reading. I had Reader's Digest and she had Ladies Home Journal. Don't judge...it was a summer day by the pool, so we were keeping it light.

There was an interview in Jen's magazine with acress Debra Messing. In it, she was characterizing both her career and her recent divorce. What grabbed our attention was her explanation for why marriages don't seem to last in our current culture. Here's an exerpt from the interview...

 

Can we talk about some of those challenges in your own marriage? You and your husband were together a long time.

Twenty years. It's a very long time. When I say the move to New York was traumatic, it was traumatic because every aspect of my life was going through a huge change.

So you were already discussing a separation before you moved?

Oh yes. Yes, yes. [She pauses, then continues with care.] It's a new chapter in my personal life. I'm walking a path I've never walked before. But I'm optimistic. Every thought is dictated by what's best for our son. We are completely on the same page in that regard. We are dear friends. And I am at peace with the journey we've had. I feel like the 20 years we had together has been a huge success. And despite the fact that everything is changing, I think everyone is thriving.

Tim Hawkins + Johnson Ferry = Sheer Awesomeness

Johnson Ferry is thrilled to get to host a special evening for families and couples with Tim Hawkins on Saturday night, July 28. Tickets are moving fast so get your plan together to see the most talent stand-up comedian I have ever seen.

Go to timhawkins.net for ticket information.

If you aren't familiar with Tim's act, here's a great little clip about the songs of "Aging Rockers."

 

 

And the Oscar goes to...

If you have ever had a preschooler in your home, you should watch this video.

It is an amazing bit of acting from a three year old who is apparently unable to put her dish in the sink because it's too heavy. Since I have seen this type of thing from my children over the years, it doesn't seem that shocking to me. Perhaps there's a secret school of method acting that all preschoolers attend that parents don't know about. There must be...

 

 

What's Up With Pintrest?

There is a new "most-visited website" at my house and it's name is Pintrest. Since I have a wife who is exceedingly creative (decorating, crafts, etc.) and a daughter who is planning a wedding, Pintrest is getting a lot of screen time at the Johnson's.

Pintrest is growing at a breakneck speed. More users...more clicks...more growth than just about anything else on-line. So what's the attraction?

On Christianity Today's site for women's issues, Laura Leonard has a pretty astute analysis. In her article Why Women are Obsessed with Pintrest, she suggests that a woman's appreciation for "beautiful things" is what draws her in and keeps her coming back for more. Because on Pintrest, there is always something beautiful to appreciate.

I love the ideas that Pintrest generates for the women at my house. It inspires them to create beautifulthings for us all to enjoy. It is also (in my opinion) a better way to spend "unwind" time than watching most of what is on TV. For this, I think Pintrest is a very good thing.

But there are at least two things that every Pintrest user should watch out for: relational disconnect and material discontent.

Relational disconnect happens when personal relationships are neglected because of undue time spent in front of a screen. Pintrest is just another culprit in a long line of temptations that take us away from meaningful connections with people. In this list, I would include TV, video games, Facebook, and anything else that causes us to neglect those closest to us. None of these things are bad, but if your spouse or kids feel like you spend more time there than with them, you have a problem. Be sure to monitor the amount of time you spend on-line on any site, Pintrest included.

The second thing to watch out for on Pintrest is material discontent. This is a problem we are all prone to face: we don't appreciate what we have because there is always someone else who has something we desire. Contentment is a virtue that every believer must move towards, but it doesn't come easy. If you are particularly prone to discontent, sites like Pintrest will likely add fuel to the fire. In just a few moments on the site, you are likely to see hundreds of pictures of nicer kitchens than yours, prettier vacation locations than you will ever visit, better hairstyles, firmer abs, etc. The bulletin boards on Pintrest present a "best of" list of every category imaginable. The net result is that your stuff and your life can look pretty shabby by comparison.

If you are a serious Pintrest user, it might be worthwhile to regularly ask God to give you an attitude of gratefulness of all the ways He has blessed your life. That way, Pintrest can serve as an inspiration towards good stewardship of the things with which He has blessed you. I know that's how my girls operate, and for that, I am grateful.

Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales

As someone who tries to push you to the "best of the web" of marriage and family issues, I really should try to stay ahead of the curve on content. If a video or some specific content goes "viral," you would think that I would get in on the ground floor. That's not always the case.

There are some things that everybody has seen before me and I am very late to the party. But there are some things with such good content that I can't NOT post it here, just in case you haven't stumbled upon it yet.

The following video is just such an example. It has had millions of hits on Youtube in the past week so it is likely you have already seen it and shared it with others. Sex, Marriage, and Fairytales is a spoken word poem by the same guy who blew up with his outstanding rant on Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus.

Enjoy...

 

Glee Deals with "The First Time"

Glee is a wildly popular and very entertaining show, effectively targeted at teens and young adults. For those of you who have been living on Mars for the past few years, it follows the lives of the students and teachers affiliated with the glee club at large high school. Riding the momentum of the "High School Musical" wave, the choir is made up of a diverse group of students, all united in their love of music. It is not uncommon for them to bust out in song to elaborately choreographed numbers at least three or four times an episode.

In addition to the natural likability of the show's format, Glee has tackled some pretty heavy topics over it's two and a half seasons.

Tuesday night's airing of Glee had two couples, one gay and one straight, losing their virginity. The episode was aptly titled "The First Time." Given the popularity of Glee with teenagers, it is likely that your kids either watched it, will watch it on online later, or will talk with others who watched it. Wise parents will make sure they are ready to talk about it.

The Parent's Television Council called the episode "reprehensible." PTC President Tim Winter said, "Research proves that television is a teen sexual super peer that can, and likely will, influence a teen’s decision to become sexually active. Fox knows the show inherently attracts kids; celebrating teen sex constitutes gross recklessness."

Contrast that with the viewpoint of the show's creators.

Chris Colfer, who plays a gay character describes it this way: "I think it's handled very sweetly and very emotionally," he said. "They're expecting this big, raunchy, suggestive, brainwashing storyline when really it's very sweet."

Colfer's perspective is exactly what concerns me. Presentations like this further tells our kids that as long as it is "sweet" and you are "in love" then it's all okay. And our kids are being fed an endless supply of this drivel. Without somebody to tell them differently, it is the perspective that, over time, they will develop as their own. 

I spent most of this past weekend working on a book project designed to remind parents that it is their job to train and equip their kids to guard their future sexuality. The very health and strength of their future marriages depend on it. Seeing the content of this new Glee episode serves to remind me of what we are up against.

If you google "Glee First Time," you will get 50 million hits. Most on the first few pages are reviews of last night's episode. The best I can tell, all of them are glowingly positive. The world loves this stuff. So do our kids. Pray for opportunities to discuss these issues with the ones that live at your house. If your kids are fans of the show, you might try watching this episode with them. 

Whatever you do, don't demonize it. It's too entertaining to be "bad" in their mind, so if you do that, your kids might think you're completely irrelevant and you will have lost your influence.

Stay clued in, parents!!

*For the curious out there who didn't get a chance to see the episode, there is a pretty detailed synopsis at Billboard.com.

According to Pat Robertson: God's Word and God's Will Can be Trusted...Most of the Time

Christian Television personality Pat Roberston has created another firestorm of controversy. He did so while responding to a viewer's question about if it was okay for a man to date another woman while his wife was struggling with Alzheimer's disease.

Robertson's advice: "He should divorce her and start all over again." While he agreed that this was a difficult moral choice, he was hesitant about putting someone on a guilt trip for making a decision like that. You can see more of what he said on an ABC news report found here.

While I am tempted to make comments about Robertson's tendency to put his foot in his mouth, I won't do that here. (It seems that everyone else is.) I don't think Robertson is an evil man...just a bit too past his prime to be "winging it" and making off-the-cuff statements before thinking them through. I predict that his ministry will release a "clarification statement" as sort of an apology for what he said. This is what usually happens.

What concerns me is how prevalent Robertson's perspective is in the Church. While he said something that is specifically offensive to families of Alzheimer's patients, his comments capture the general philosophy that permeates so much of the body today. It might sound like this:

"God's Word and God's will can be trusted...most of the time. Sure, we should follow the principles and truths that God gives us in scripture, but there are some situations when it is okay to ignore them. Really committed Christians are zealously devoted to strict obedience to God, but most of us regular people have to use our best judgement to identify those situations when the scripture doesn't apply." 

I call this "Yeah, but" Christianity. You subtly hear it when a Christian is rationalizing a decision that just about every believer around them is saying is Biblically wrong.

It looks like this: "God says to be forever faithful to your spouse? Yeah, but my situation is unique.

"Yeah, but she is very sick."

Or: "Yeah, but he is very mean."

Or: "Yeah, but I don't feel like I love her any more."

We adjust what God said to match our own opinions or experience. And it is usually done in the name of our own happiness, comfort, or convenience. But what it really shows is our own arrogance and pride.

It is the ultimate in arrogance to say to the God who created us "I know better than You what is best for me. You can be trusted with the majority of my life; but not this part. I must ignore your clearly defined will for me in order to experience the life that I have planned for myself."

When will God's children finally learn the lesson He has been trying to teach us since the fall of man? Obedience to God results in blessings. Disobedience results in suffering. No matter how difficult the path that God has for us, we can trust that He is with us. We can trust that he is always true to His Word. We can trust that He knows what He is doing.

And it is not our place to pick and choose when He is right and when He is wrong. 

If our ultimate goal is to glorify God in our lives (and it should be), then choosing to do some difficult things may be the best way to show the world Who He is. Following Pat Robertson's advice may get a man some companionship, but it won't get God much glory.

For a very encouraging anti-version of Pat Robertson's perspective, read the story of Robertson McQuilkin as reported in Christianity Today back in 2004. God is honored in a big way through this one man's faithfulness. Keep the tissues close.

 

 

 

 

The Dangerous Side of Romance Novels

Could it be that romance novels have the potential to do women what porn does to men? In a great blog post I want to point you toward, Russell Moore makes a great argument for that very possibility.

While I would never presume to suggest that they can do the same damage to a soul or a marriage (porn is just too deadly), they both have the power to dramatically change our expectations of what love, sex, and marriage should be.

Don't take my word for it. Read Moore's post Can Romance Novels Hurt Your Heart?

Young Adult Fiction

Here's an article from the Wall Street Journal that all parents should read about young adult fiction. This may surprise you (and not in a good way): Young Adult Fiction

Why Are Christian Movie REVIEWS so Awful?

This is a great article. And you should read it. I mean it.

If you watch movies, then this thought-provoking article by Timothy Dalwymple will help you to think. If you don't watch movies, then get back into your time machine and go back to the early 1900's where you came from.

This post is not specifically related to family life, but I know that families will probably ingest a lot of movies this summer. If anything, this will help us all to think more critically as we consider why most movies with any faith component are butchered by the critics.

Put your thinking cap on and click here... Why are Reviews of Christian Movies so Awful?

Soul Surfer - How Hollywood Does Faith

It's Spring Break here in Atlanta so most of the people who frequent INFO for Families from my current neck of the woods are probably on vacation. Or on a mission trip. We continue to pray for the more than 400 high schoolers from Johnson Ferry who are currently in the Dominican Republic. And the 100 or so HS seniors in Peru. And the 100-ish middle schoolers in Alabama. Two of my five kids are in the Dominican Republic, so of course our thoughts are with them.

But for those of you who are still in suburbia (or the city) this week, you may consider a trip to the movies on Friday. And if you do, you should probably go see Soul Surfer.

 

This true story of Bethany Hamilton, the teen surfer who lost her arm to a shark attack, hits theaters this weekend. Though I haven't seen it yet, the previews hint that her real-life Christian faith plays prominently in the film. While that is certainly an encouraging thing, my experience suggests that Hollywood typically portrays people of faith as people who do just that: exhibit a bit of faith in something. They rarely articulate how a trust in Jesus Christ as Lord impacts every area of life.

But I'm just guessing on this, so don't take my word for it. There are two good reviews you can check out from people who have actually seen the movie.

Plugged-In has a good review of content and suggests a few teachable moments.

Phil Boatwright reviewed the film for the Baptist Press. He uses the phrase "religion lite" to describe how the filmmakers had good intentions, but fell a bit short in describing Bethany's faith with the substance that she shows in real life.

You can find out more about the real life Bethany at her website www.bethanyhamilton.com

You can also see a short video that captures her personal testimony at the I Am Second website. It would be a great thing to show your kids before they see the movie.

It Starts with the Letter "M" and It Can Ruin Your Kid's Marriage

So be honest...

Have you have grown weary of my recent rants on teens, sex, and their long-lasting impact on future relationships? You’re probably not alone. For all you parents of preschoolers out there, hang on for just a few more posts. We’ll circle back to other family issues soon. But don't check out entirely. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

One Friday night when Jenifer and I were in the middle of our “Let’s Talk About Sex” series, we encountered a middle-aged couple at a restaurant.  They had heard our first talk and were looking forward to the rest of them. Specifically, they were anxious for direction on how to put some parameters on their son’s dating relationship.

I assured them that we would cover that, but that we would also address some other issues related to sons…issues of a “self-gratification” nature. (I can’t use the “M” word or your internet filter will block me.)

Their immediate reaction was to say something like, “Well, we’d rather he do THAT than be intimate with his girlfriend.” While I understand their sentiment, I absolutely don't agree with them. Habitual  “M” is potentially just as risky, especially as it relates to the effects it might have on him long term.

Most boys get their first taste of explicit material when they are young: somewhere between 10 and 13. Many get hooked immediately. And they stay hooked. While the effects of this long-term addiction may manifest themselves in behaviors at the time, my greatest concern is what the effects will be once they enter marriage.

This is why I am so passionate about these issues. They do not go away once you walk down the aisle.

Imagine, if you will, a young man who learns to gratify himself via explicit images at 14. He makes a normal habit of this for 10 or 12 years. He learns, though experience, that sexual satisfaction requires nothing of him. The girl is always interested. He can find immediate satisfaction whenever he wants.  It is easy.

Then, imagine this young man entering a covenant marriage relationship. He soon discovers that the girl requires something of him. For intimacy to happen there must be time, love, attention, romance, and an investment into the relationship. It’s more work than he has ever had to do before.  And once the honeymoon is over, he may decide that it’s just not worth the effort.

Does this sound extreme? It's not. At least it isn’t to the regular stream of couples I encounter who tell me that this is exactly why their marriage is unraveling.

Want to see it up close? Check out the honest story of a married couple at Relevantmagazine.com this week. You can read their personal testimony as a young Christian couple who have everything going for them...except for his past. This is powerful stuff.

Read HIS perspective here.

Read HER perspective here.

A few weeks ago at Johnson Ferry, youth researcher Chap Clark said that 60% of teen boys in America are addicted to porn. He defined addicted as 3 visits per week at one hour per visit. He also suggested that in upper-class areas where internet access was highly prevalent, the number might be as high as 80%.

This is an issue affecting our kids, not just somebody else's.

If I knew that 60-80% of the teenagers in my community were addicted to meth or heroin, you can bet that I would be aggressively militant in my attempt to help my kids stay clean. We would talk about it. Often. But I would probably get a police-trained drug dog as our family pet. There would be random drug tests several times per week. I would take this threat very seriously.

We must take the porn issue just as seriously. We must get comfortable talking about it. We have to tell our boys (and girls) that it has the power to destroy their lives. We also must put some safeguards in our homes. I'm particular to bSecure. A friend I trust is fond of SafeEyes.

Jesus tells us that lust is a serious sin.. Like every other sin, it has significant consequences on our relationships with others.  It’s about time that we started believing Him.

These Clips Get Me Thinking

Why am I such a zealot about guiding my teenage kids through the issues of dating, sex, and other unmentionables? It's because the stakes are so high. The trajectory they get on and the choices they make now have the power to impact them throughout their adult lives.

Biblical principles declare it.

Current scientific studies confirm it.

The troubled marriages I encounter prove it.

And some stuff below that I found on YouTube illustrates it.

We used some of these videos in our presentation at Johnson Ferry over the past weeks. And we referred to some of the others. They all get me thinking.

Mark Gungor gives a great presentation about why these issues matter in marriage...and how the foundations are laid when we are teens.

   

 

This Gnarls Barkley music video illustrates powerfully the connections that happen when we give our heart and lives to someone who isn't our spouse. But be aware: in addition to being truthful, it's a bit funky and a lot bloody...in an "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" sort of way. Don't say I didn't warn you.

 

 

Including this video after the Gnarls Barkley one enables me to channel my inner Osmond. I have included both "a little bit country and a little bit rock-n-roll." (If you were born before 1972, you will probably need to ask somebody what that means.) Taylor Swift's song "Fifteen" beautifully and tragically captures the choices that many of our teens make as well as the regrets they are left with.

 

 

Mark Driscoll is very conservative in his theology but something of a "shock jock" in his delivery. Think A.W. Tozer mixed with Howard Stern. I love this brief clip in that it encourages us to consider WHY our kids want to have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Driscoll is rather extreme in his perspective, but I think he's on to something.

 

Are there any other videos you have encountered that get you thinking deep thoughts about these issues? Please feel free to share them with the rest of us!

 

 

Analog Parents with Digital Kids

I think of myself as being relatively savvy with technology.

When my computer freezes up, I can usually fix it. I can text. I use Twitter (occasionally). I (obviously) use the internet to pass on info that is relevant to families today. You would think that my approach to electronic information would be similar to my kids.

But there is one thing  is that I tend to forget: I have slowly integrated these technologies into my life. My kids, on the other hand, have always had them. They never knew what it was like to go without. Their minds have easily learned to multi-task just like my computer does. So this generation is dramatically different than ours.

One additional thing that marks the next generation is that they are almost always connected. In addition to having the world at their fingertips via the internet, they are connected to the influence of their peers, non-stop. This happens via Facebook, text messages, online video games, and much more. Throw in a smartphone and you can see why there is a significant increase in the number of traffic accidents for teens: the temptation to stay connected while driving is sometimes too powerful.

I encourage you to read Albert Mohler's blog post on this subject. Then consider how you can help your kids to find a healthy balance in their digital lives.

New Narnia Movie Communicates Biblical Truths Effectively

 

Usually, when I hear the words "faith-based" and "film" in the same sentence, I prepare myself for the worst. Since the publication of the Gutenberg Bible some 550 years ago, Christians have established themselves as being effective with the written word. But since the fiasco of the "Left Behind" movies, we have garnered a well-deserved reputation of being pretty crummy with film. (Side note: apparently the authors of the Left Behind books have given the green light for the films to be remade with a bigger budget. I'm not hopeful that they will improve things.)

The Narnia series has been a refreshing exception. Given the fact that C.S. Lewis' Narnia books are loved equally by people of faith and people without, they stood a much better chance for success.

While "Wardrobe" was a box office smash, "Prince Caspian" just barely got by. C.S. Lewis' stepson, Douglas Gresham, was on the production team for "Dawn Treader" and worked diligently to make sure they honored the spirit of Lewis' books. You can read a great interview with him in Christianity Today about how he saw himself as the "policeman" on the set. Specifically, you can find out about some of the key scenes and the clear spiritual meaning behind them.

But you may not need to.

My daughter saw "Dawn Treader" this weekend and was overwhelmed by the clear Christian implications. It encouraged her faith and gave her a fresh perspective on many of the truths that she has previously embraced.

I don't want to sound a rallying cry here, but if we don't pay money to see well-made films with a message of hope and truth, then they will not be made. Because of "Treader's" mediocre opening weekend, Hollywood is watching to see if word of mouth will grow the audience next weekend. The prevailing theory is that most people will wait for the DVD.

If you see a movie this weekend, I encourage you to invest your time and money into Narnia. It represents the very best of what movies are all about.

Facebook and Your Marriage: Just Don't Be An "Idiot"

We instinctively know the most common causes for divorce. For example, a lack of communication, infidelity, and money issues are often cited as reasons to dissolve a marriage. But more an more counselors and divorce attorneys are seeing "Facebook" mentioned as a significant contributor to the marriages in crisis they encounter.

I have mentioned before on INFO for Families that my friend Jason Krafsky wrote excellent book on the subject called Facebook and Your Marriage. If Facebook is a big part of your life, then you ought to consider getting the book. It just might encourage you to set some healthy parameters on your social networking.

I even told you about a man who was arrested for a Facebook friend request to his ex-wife. Some things are just too hard to believe...but this one is true.

Now I want to forward you to an excellent article by Rhett Smith. He has put together a very thorough article on just how significant a player Facebook can be in your life; and how this powerful technology can affect you without you even knowing it.

He does not demonize Facebook. Like most of you, he really enjoys it as a powerful tool for life, work, and ministry. But he does provide some great insights and links to other articles that all of us will benefit from.

Please take some time today to read his article on Your Marriage and Facebook: Just Don't Be An "Idiot."

Christian-Themed Movies that Aren't Terrible

"I'm not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ." I can stand with the apostle Paul and make this statement of faith unequivocally. Well, almost.

Perhaps the only time that I am ashamed to be a Christian is when a "Christian movie" is released in theaters. Let's be honest...most of them just plain stink. With a few exceptions, they are poorly written, funded, made, and acted. They are often an embarrassment to the cause of Christ.

But there are a few mainstream movies that reflect the gospel beautifully. While they are not "Christian movies," they certainly portray Truth in an accurate way.

Our theme this week is adoption. And the Bible uses adoption in numerous places as an analogy of our new life in Christ. So, I thought that, since Friday night is often "movie night," I would recommend four excellent movies that have an adoption theme. (They aren't necessarily "Christian movies," but they are a whole lot better than what the guys at PTL are putting out.) I will also point out a real stinker that you should avoid.

The Blind Side

I will start with an obvious choice that most have probably already seen. The story of high school football player Michael Oher and his eventual adoption by the Tuohy family is pretty inspiring. The movie caught some flack from some stodgy reviewers for being too formulaic, but apparently nobody told them that it is true story. You cannot argue with the simple beauty of a comfortable, well-to-do family choosing to invest themselves in a homeless teenager.

Babe

When my kids were little, we had this one on VHS. The tape got shredded because we watched it so many times. Babe is an innocent little piglet who is "adopted" by an aging sheep dog once his parents are converted to bacon. It's a sweet story that is very well-made. What makes this a great adoption movie is that the "parent" is an entirely different species from her child. It's a great reminder that a family doesn't have to look alike to be a family.

Anne of Green Gables

I know...it's more like a mini-series than a movie, but it is still awesome. Jenifer introduced me to Anne Shirley when we were dating. Even thought I am, in fact, a guy, I confess that I honestly enjoyed it. (I didn't know it at the time, but if I had not enjoyed it, I would not be married to her today. Apparently, the proper appreciation of Anne of Green Gables was a pass/fail test on whether I was acceptable husband material in her family. Thankfully, both my brother-in-law and I passed.) Anne of Green Gables reminds us that every adopted child is full of joy, and they are just waiting for someone to love it out of them.

Bella

You may not have seen this one before. If you haven't, run (don't walk!) to your car, get yourself to Blockbuster, and rent it tonight. I love this movie. It is simple, emotional, and beautifully made. It celebrates life, family, and the fact that every tragic episode of our lives is just a few good decisions away from being a picture of God's redemption. He is still in the business of taking bad situations and making them wonderful. That's who He is. Bella illustrates this perfectly.

And now for one "bad" adoption movie...

Like Dandelion Dust

I haven't seen this one personally, but my wife and oldest daughter did on opening weekend a few days ago. They were not impressed. Wouldn't you know it, this one was adapted from a "Christian novel." I'm not sure if the author (who I have a great deal of respect for) had much say about the movie, but it apparently contains just about every "Lifetime Movie of the Week" cliche about adoption there is. I could go into detail, but I would advise you to read Michael Foust's review of it. And if you are considering adoption, please don't waste your time. Foust says that "watching it before you adopt is tantamount to watching 'United 93' before you fly." Enough said.

Can you think of another great movie where adoption plays a prominent role? And that is a pretty good reflection of our God's adoptive love for us? Or do you disagree with my suggestions? Let me know your thoughts.  

  

Music P!%nography For the Masses

*The following post uses the "p word" several times. I wanted to make sure your filter didn't block it, so I have "edited" the word. Hope that's not too confusing. Carry on...

Every generation questions the music of the younger generation. It's my right as a parent and I'm darn sure going to exercise it.

"Turn down that garbage!"

"You call that music?"

I sound just like my parents. I'm not proud of myself, but it's reality.

So I know it sounds a bit cliche when I say that much of the music being played on your typical top 40 music station is essentially p!%nography. Before you start calling me an antiquated geezer, please know that there are some people in the music industry who agree.

Recently, Mike Stock, a successful record producer from Britain, declared that pop music today is “99 percent soft p!%nography.” I think he's right.

From the themes to the content to the music videos, many in the music industry are proving the axiom that "sex sells." Walt Mueller's CPYA blog suggested that parents view Katy (of "I Kissed a Girl" fame) Perry's new video for her hit "Teenage Dream."

Wow.

I would characterize the video as the "p" word. It's a catchy tune.  But the video is truly shocking stuff. If it was being marketed to an adult audience, it would be bad enough. But the song has "teenage" in the title. And it was number one on iTunes last week.

Oh, and did I mention that Miss Perry served as the host of Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Awards this year? it's troubling, to say the least.

But maybe I'm just being an old fart and I should just let kids be kids. Oh, did I mention that number two on iTunes was Ke$ha's song "Take it Off?" Yeah, I never can pronounce her name right, but I know she's pretty big with the youngsters these days. Her song isn't a metaphor for something bigger. It's just about taking your clothes off.

There is some great commentary on this issue in the most recent edition of the Christian Index. Author Rebecca Hagelin has some really good things to say.

Parents should take notice. And stay on guard. But don't freak out. Keep calm. Keep talking with your kids. Don't move into record burning territory. That's rarely productive. Even for small town Florida pastors.

Man Jailed for Facebook "Friend Request"

Be careful who you "friend request" on Facebook.

Most people are okay.

With some high school friends, you should really think about it. 

Old girlfriends/boyfriends, I would stay away from.

But soon-to-be ex-wives who have a restraining order against you: my advice is that you don't friend request them. Lest you end up in jail.

A man in central Florida did just that and is now behind bars. You can read the story here. I don't mean to judge, but, based on his picture alone, I don't think he's too bright. He obviously didn't think this one through.

What is most interesting, though, is that contact via Facebook is now being deemed by the court as something that violates someone's personal space. Given what I have seen in many of the relationships I am observing up close, a person's Facebook profile is personal space, indeed. But some of us have not realized that yet.

I am amazed at how much people air the dirty laundry of their personal lives on Facebook: the fight they had with their spouse, for example.

Or they post some vague update that loudly begs people to ask questions. Something like: "I can't believe he said that!" If we don't ask questions, we only assume the worst.

Perhaps the most troubling foolish use of Facebook is when someone changes their marital status from "married" to "it's complicated." Couples in strife need to seek help from God, who offers direction for rebuilding bad relationships. And they need to seek responsible, mature people who can walk them through troubled times. But broad statements on Facebook that stir the pot without looking for help is a sign of foolishness.

Couples who have found Facebook to be a source of tension in their marriage may need to get some help. And you need to know you are not alone. In the past few months, I have encountered couples dealing with old flames, arguing about time spent on Facebook, even fighting about things like Farmville. This is an issue that cannot be ignored.

My friends Jason and Kelli Krafsky have written a book called Facebook and Your Marriage. It is an easy, fun read that addresses practical guidelines for making Facebook a source of joy in your marriage, not something to fight about. If this is an issue for you, then start by ordering the book. Then read and discuss it together.

You can order the book at the Facebook and Your Marriage website.

Watch This Video of a Great Song by a Great Guy

Today I hand over the INFO for Families Blog to Johnson Ferry Middle School Minister Chris Connor for a guest post. He's encouraging us all to support JF staff member John McCullough in his quest to be on stage at a big soiree that a local station is putting on.

What does it have to do with marriage and parenting? Not much. Except that John is married. And I think he, at one time or another, has had parents. It's all about relevance, people.

--------------------

Here’s a shameless plug for our very own John McCullough. There is a contest that 104.7 the Fish is hosting to find a local artist as an opening act for a concert in a few weeks. Kevin Hunnel made sure that John entered but he is a little late getting into the game. That means we need to help him get some views on Youtube. So I am putting a link to his video entry in this email and you need to go watch the video at least a thousand times, well maybe five or more. So click the link that follows this …  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikiHFySGhog&feature=PlayList&p=3E0B286607F6CDE4&index=2&playnext=30 and show your support for Johnny MC.

The link is to a playlist so if you just left the browser window open his video will loop continuously…more video hits is what we are going for. If you don’t like to have music playing when you are working or you get tired of hearing the same song twenty times, click the mute button and just let the video play.

 

 

Hope this email finds you all doing well.

Movie Review - "To Save a Life"

I maintain an online account at Blockbuster. I get to keep an ongoing list of movies that I would like to see in my "queue" and they send me whatever they happen to have in stock at the time. I must admit that it's hard to keep my list stocked - there's just not that much out there that I feel is worth watching.

About a year ago, the teen-targeted movie "To Save a Life" was released. Given that most movies that have a "faith" theme have good intentions but horrible execution, I wasn't very hopeful. So I skipped it.

I saw that it was released to DVD a few weeks ago so we added it to our Blockbuster queue. It showed up at the house over the weekend and we sat down as a family to watch it.

We were most impressed.

Though I'm sure it was filmed on a shoestring budget, it has above average acting and excellent cinematography. With a few exceptions, it just plain looks good.

But beyond that, it's the content of "To Save a Life" that rocked our world. The movie tackles just about every adolescent issue known to man: sex, drugs, depression, suicide, drinking, divorce, teen pregnancy, etc. And it tackles hypocrisy in the church, as well. Needless to say, it will give Christian families plenty to talk about. (If there was any fault I would note in the film, it's that they tried to address too much.)

The issues are displayed in detail and the movie easily earns its PG-13 rating. You see teen kids operating in the way teen kids are prone to act when they are thinking only of the here and now. But what makes this movie stand out is the way that it illustrates a better, different way to be.

But don't take my word for it. Rent it. The next time you're teens are browsing for a movie at Blockbuster, don't rent the same old teen fare. Encourage them to grab "To Save a Life" instead. Then watch it with them and let them talk.

Ask questions like:

*How common are those types of behaviors in the people you encounter at school?

*Which of the characters do you most identify with? Why?

*Who are the "outcasts" in your school? Who cares about them? Do we have a responsibility to them?

Jump on this one while it's still in the "New Releases" section. When I was last at Blockbuster, there were a bunch of copies on the rack. Maybe your kids will be convinced that it's a legitimate film and worth their time. You can find detailed reviews and more commentary on "To Save a Life" at the following sites:

MovieGuide

Plugged In Online

Where Recovering Veggie Tales Addicts Can Get Their Fix

The late 90's found me deep in the throes of raising my kids. And because every American kid seems to have a pre-disposed bent toward watching TV, we found ourselves constantly looking for videos (this was pre-DVD) that entertained AND taught some worthwhile values in our home.

Enter Veggie Tales.

Phil Vischer and company did an excellent job of creatively conveying Biblical truth in a way that both parents and children (and even teenagers) could enjoy. If you're not familiar with Bob and Larry, then there is a small but significant hole in your Christian experience. Just imagine taking two parts Sunday School and mixing it with one part Disney, one part Monty Python, and one part vegetable. It has to be experienced. This is one of my favorite "Silly Songs with Larry."

After some complicated business arrangements in the early 2000's, Vischer had to give control of Veggie Tales to others. I'm not sure of all the details, but I know that the quality and freshness of the product suffered during this season.

Now Vischer has formed Jellyfish Labs and has a vision to create video projects that teach children about the power of God's Word. They are just as fun and fresh as the old Veggie Tales, but the content is even more directed at teaching Biblical truth. There are a variety of media on the videos, including live action, animation, and puppets (puppetry was Vischer's original skill...long before digital animation came along).

You can find a review of "What's in the Bible" on the MovieGuide website here. You can also see a promo video featuring Phil Vischer and his vision below.

This just might be the perfect fix for all the struggling Veggie Tales addicts out there.

 

 

Abraham Lincoln Answers The Hardest Question Known To Man

I saw this commercial. I had to share it. Is it meaningful? No. Is it hilarious. Yes.

 

The (poorly made) case against marriage

I read an article in Newsweek last week and have been stewing over how to respond to it here at INFO for Families. It is a well articulated (but very misguided) argument against marriage. 

 

Then today I read an excellent post by Dr. Albert Mohler that said all the things I wanted to say. So I thought I'd defer to his perspective.  You can read his excellent thoughts at the following link: Case Against Marriage Article

Do "Facebook Kids" Do Better Off Socially?

Do you worry that your Facebooking, Texting, Always-Connected-Online Teenager is missing out on the chance to develop social skills? You're not alone. Most Normal and Imperfect Parents like us struggle with this question.

But while we would assume that these communication tools will ruin their ability to interact, some research is showing that the opposite is true.

Middle School Minister extraordinare Chris Trent brought my attention to the following article on the Fuller Youth Institute site. (Chris is supposed to be on sabbatical, but we'll let this minor infraction slide. His technological "spider sense" is always tingling.)

I encourage you to read deep into the article, noting the insights of Shane Hipps on the issue being not just the medium but the nature of the message.

New Spins on Social Media Research

An Open Letter to the Summer Blockbuster

Dear Summer Blockbuster,

You break my heart, time and time again. I don't know if we're going to make it. I think this relationship is officially over. I'd like to say that it's not you...it's me.

But honestly, I think it's you.

Every year it's the same: I get hopeful for what you might bring to my life. I watch your previews for six months (or more), my anticipation growing stronger day by day.

Over Christmas, it's the "teaser trailer." It's always a refreshing opener to the artsy-fartsy Oscar-hopeful I'm watching. I think: "Awesome! They're going to make a movie about that!"

Through the Spring, the excitement builds. You give me a full preview of your beauty and richness. It's two minutes of awesomeness that I can watch over and over again online. I become giddy with excitement, drudging through my life, waiting for June to arrive.

Then finally, school is out, summer is upon us, and your opening weekend arrives. I struggle with how to pursue you: Do I stay up late on Thursday for the midnight showing? Do I go the cheap route and sneak in candy? Or do I invest in the relationship like I should and buy the jumbo popcorn and large drink combo? Yes...that's the right thing to do. After all, you're worth it.

And then it happens: you let me down. All the promises you have made for the past year go unfulfilled. Your over-the-top action sequences never compensate for the lack of substance. Your big name stars are worthless as they act out the mindless drivel that is serving as a script. Let's be honest, you don't have a compelling story to tell; just an idea sold in a Hollywood pitch meeting.

Two hours later I leave feeling empty...and dirty...and broke. Have you run the numbers on what it costs to take a family of seven to the movies lately? It's not cheap.

I'm not asking for much here. I just feel that if your two-minute preview is like our courtship then your two-hour movie should be like our marriage. I can tell you, the courtship rocked. I was soooo in love with you then. But the marriage: not so much.

So I think it's over between us. But I still want to be friends.

Perhaps I'll see you in the Redbox machine at Walmart in a few months. We'll get together at my house where my entire investment in the relationship will be a buck for the rental and a buck for the microwave popcorn. But that's all I can give. You've burned me too many times. And I will not be burned again.

Unless, of course, they make an "A-Team" movie. What? They did? And it's coming out this summer? Oh, baby, you had me at hello.

Yours Forever,

Barrett

Radical Book - A Radical Message

Something is stirring in the Christian community. There is a grassroots movement of influential American church leaders who are bringing attention to the fact that something is wrong in the church today. Specifically, that it doesn't make sense to be wealthy Christians in a world where people are dying without basic necessities like food, clean water and basic healthcare.

Francis Chan's book Crazy Love touches on this. So does The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns.

But the newest young leader to confront with this reality is Dr. David Platt. He is the pastor of the Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, AL. His new book, aptly titled Radical is making waves all across the church.

I just ordered my copy. I confess that I'm afraid to read it. Here's a video from Platt on the core of the book's message.
 

 

Cyrus Part 2 - Now I Want to Punch Billy Ray in the Kidneys

A few weeks ago, I posted about young Miley Cyrus and her new music video. It is shocking in it's own merit, but given that the poor girl is only seventeen, my reaction was to want to Punch Billy Ray in the Face.

But it seems that Billy Ray has lowered the bar for fathers even lower.

A website recently posted a racy video from the wrap party of Miley's newest movie. In it, Miley is seen giving a "lap dance" to her 44 year-old movie producer. Her behavior was apparently so inappropriate that parents were taking their kids and leaving. 

Billy Ray's response: "It's what people her age do."

Some other Dads should care enough to confront Mr. Cyrus on his lackluster performance as a father. And do it in firm love. But if that doesn't work, I'm for advocating the kidney-punch strategy.

You can read a New York times article on the whole story here.  

And while it may be easy to write this off to typical Hollywood indecency, I think that Dads are dropping the ball in this way all around us. In recent days, I have heard of high school girls whose parents are encouraging them to be intimate with their boyfriends so that they can "gain some experience." And these are church families.

I'm for erring on the side of encouraging radical purity in my kids. And not just because I don't want them to get pregnant or get some nasty disease. It's because I want them to experience God's very best, not the junk that the world holds out to them. And that's critical for them to have success in their marriages down the road. When did we forget that God invented sex? When He gives us some simple parameters, can we trust that He knows what He is talking about?

As a Dad, I want my kids to enter marriage without the baggage of their past sexual partners and experiences. Recent research is affirming that critical bonds are formed when you are sexually intimate with someone. It's hard to break away from. (It's the main reason that young people tend to stay in relationships that EVERYONE around them knows are dysfunctional: they are being intimate and can't bring themselves to end it.) This is illustrated beautifully (and graphically) in a music video by Gnarls Barkley. It's great food for thought.

We must consider the effects of our kids' sexual experience on their ability to succeed in marriage. One study (that I have seen before but couldn't find as I wrote this...sorry) compared the divorce rate of couples who married each other as virgins with couples who had previous sexual partners. While the divorce rate for two virgins was extraordinarily low (like 20 %), the divorce rate was much higher for those who had one previous partner (more than 50%). It went up again for those who had additional partners (something like 65%) While my data isn't exact, the findings are clear...purity before marriage is worth it.

So, back to my original observation: Billy Ray Cyrus and his cop-out that lap dances are just what "people her age do." Maybe that's true. But people her age who make that sort of behavior the acceptable norm run a high risk of being people our age who can't make marriage work. The odds will be stacked against them for experiencing the joy and satisfaction that God intended married life to be. I refuse to be a dad who stands by and lets that happen.

There is just too much at stake. So as a Dad, it's not going to happen on my watch. I'm going to stay connected to my daughters' hearts, model righteous manliness to my sons, hover closely over ANYBODY who shows a romantic interest in my kids, and clearly lay out an expectation for what purity looks like. It doesn't guarantee any behavior or outcome from them, but I'm not going to sit idly by and let the world define what normal sexuality is. That scares the crap out of me.  

So, is anybody interested in driving to Nashville to do an intervention for Billy Ray? We'll go in peace, but have the kidney-punch option as a fall back plan.

Top 10 Lists for Media This Week

The folks over at the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding occasionally release their top ten lists of all things media. As a parent, it's always interesting for me to see what is popular in movies, music, music videos, etc. In many cases, I don't have a clue who have the artists are. But it can make for interesting discussions with the kids.

Anyway, here's their most recent release.

CPYU Top Tens as of May 16, 2010

"Swagger Wagon" - Hip Hop for the Mini-Van Crowd

A friend passed this on to me today. It's absolute genius. I think the folks at Toyota may have surpassed the ad wizards at Apple in the viral marketing department.

There are about 10 more videos filmed in sort of a "mockumentary" style on their youtube channel. You can find it at this link.  Watch the "Meet the Parents" clip. Then, I am particularly fond of "Daddy Like Protecting," "Mommy Like Help," and "Mommy Like Deals."

They all capture how obnoxious we can be as parents. So please, laugh at them. Do not emulate them.

I Want to Punch Billy Ray in the Face

I'm not usually prone to fits of rage. I don't typically advocate violence. But I might be willing to make an exception.

I saw a link on my MSN home page yesterday that referenced the "racy new Miley Cyrus video." I have kids who have grown up watching the drivel on the Disney Channel and I've been watching the trajectory of young Miley's career for years, so I couldn't NOT look.

There will be many debates on line about the appropriateness of the video and the intentions of this young artist. There may even be discussions about the creative merit of the clip. But I don't care much about any of that. She's a young talent that is simply riding the wave of her stardom. She will most likely do whatever her handlers (managers, agents, publicists, etc.) encourage her to do. After all, they have a significant financial interest in the success of her future endeavors.

And this is a critical time. Everyone around her is certainly asking: Will she be able to make the transition from "teen idol" to "serious adult artist?" They are probably losing sleep over it. I'm sure her new video is a strategic component of their overall job security plan. But who is watching out for Miley?

That's why I want to punch Billy Ray in the face. He's the dad. That's his job. It's his responsibility to step in and say "No. It's not worth it. I would love for my daughter to have success, but not if she has to do this."

I'm sure he will release a statement in the coming days in response to all the criticism he is likely to get. I can't wait to hear what he says. But I'm betting that it's going to make me even more mad at him. I want to extend him grace and love...and I'm going to try. But our daughters need dads who will love them enough to protect them...even from themselves.

Anybody want to hold him down for me?

Here's the video. And just because I'm posting it here, it doesn't necessarily mean that I think you should watch it. Use your own judgment there.

http://www.bing.com/videos/watch/video/watch-miley-cyrus-racy-new-music-video/20xlg6p9
 

 

More on Teens and Technology

I have been inundated with responses and comments about how our next generation teenagers are being shaped by technology. The extraordinary tools of cell phones, texting, and social networking truly are a powerful force that is shaping a totally new perspective on communication and even life for our young people.

If you are curious for more insights and research, I have come across a few articles that might help. Give them some prayerful consideration as to the relevance to your family.

A Conversation with Shane Hipps, Author of "Flickering Pixels". This is an excellent interview with Shane Hipps, the author of a powerful book on the impact of contemporary media on our lives. 

Millennials: This generation is diverse, educated and plugged-in.  An article by Ivey DeJesus on the general "plugged-in" nature of our kids.

 U.S. Students Suffering from Internet Addiction by Walden Siew. This is some interesting research pointed out to me by a "INFO for Families" reader. It seems that a teen's withdrawal symptoms from technology are similar to that of addictive drugs. 

Do You Need a Digital Sabbath? by Andrew Burden of Youth Specialties. He writes about taking regular time to disconnect from technology and how it actually has the potential to make you more effective in everything you do. 

Teens and Texting - Will Social Skills Suffer?

My third teenager got a cell phone for her birthday last month, so two of my offspring now have cell phones. These amazing tools obviously enable us to stay better connected. (All American Boy/Teen Number Two wanted a shotgun for HIS birthday. Unfortunately, it doesn't get good cell service.)

The number one reason that most kids want cell phones: texting. It seems that most teens enjoy having short, 160 character bursts of communication rather than actual conversations. In fact, I have heard some kids declare that "texting is just so much more personal than an actual conversation." Go figure. Whatever the logic these young whipper-snappers use, we can know this communication trend is here to stay. (Out of touch dinosaurs such as myself are allowed to use the word whipper-snapper.)

At our house, we got a cell plan for each of our phones that enables us to have 200 texts per person per month. That's enough to stay in touch and to use texting when we need to, but not so much that our kids constantly have their heads and fingers buried in their phones. I limited us to that after hearing too many parents tell me stories of their kids hitting two and three-thousand texts in one month. And there was this gnawing feeling inside that there is something wrong with that.

So what are the long-term affects of teens utilizing texting more than actual dialog? Jennifer Ludden wrote a great article for NPR that addresses these issues. It is definitely worth a read. As you scan the article, consider how these things might be affecting your kids. And have a great conversation with them about the ways they communicate with others.

You can read the article here.

Facebook and Your Marriage

I have been pretty delinquent in posting on the INFO for Families Blog for the past few weeks. A busy family camp over spring break drew my attention away, but I'm back in the office and recommitted to pushing content your way. It's good to be back.

I just placed my order for the new book "Facebook and Your Marriage" by Jason and Kelli Krafsky. These are great folks who I met at a conference a few years ago. They have seen first-hand the impact that Facebook can have on marriage...both for good and for bad. They suggest that the social network trend is perhaps the most significant threat to marriage today. I tend to agree with them. 

You can read a great interview with them here. They talk about some of the significant dangers of Facebook as it relates to married life. The brief interview also includes some powerful "do's and don'ts" that every couple should agree to. 

If you (or your spouse) finds yourself spending many hours on Facebook every day, it might serve you well to honestly consider what the Krafskys have to say. I think they're on to something.

What Parents Need to Know about Facebook Privacy Settings

I found a great article on the latest changes to Facebook's privacy settings. It gives clear advice to parents on how to keep their kids' Facebook world safe. If Facebook continues to periodically change the way their service operates, then parents need to check their kids' settings frequently. (At present, it seems, Facebook changes about once a week, much to the frustration of their users. I think the guy who had the idea for "New Coke" in the 80's is running things there.) 

Please read the article then sit down with your kids and double-check to make sure that their profile is only being seen by those they know. It may be a good time to have a more detailed conversation about keeping their identity safe online. If you get on a roll and the subject of why "sexting" can literally ruin their lives (jail time anyone?), then more power to you.

Privacy Settings on Facebook - What Parents Need to Know

Review of The Rocket Summer's "Of Men and Angels"

This isn't necessarily a "family-focused" blog post, but I wanted to take advantage of this medium to tell you to go out and buy the new album by "The Rocket Summer." My friend Bryce does everything on the record (write, sing, play all the instruments) and it truly is a breakthrough project.

Bryce was in my youth ministry back in the late 90's and it has been a thrill to watch his career unfold. I performed he and his wife Tara's wedding about 5 years ago so he's become sort of a "Timothy" in my life.

Anyway, the record debuted 2 weeks ago. It was #1 on iTunes for several days and a week later had found itself on the Billboard Album charts: #38 of the top 200 Albums, #4 on the Rock Album chart, and #2 on the Christian Album chart (snugly wedged between TobyMac and Casting Crowns). All this without any radio airplay to date.

He's a roaring lion trying to make a difference for Christ in the general market, and you should buy his record.

See a review of the record on the Relevant Magazine site: "Of Men and Angels" Review  There is also a link to a nice interview they did with Bryce.

 

 

 

  

Kids Spend 7.5 Hours Per Day on "Entertainment Media"

Here's a great article passed on to me by Chris Trent, the (formidable) Middle School Minister at Johnson Ferry. It summarizes a Kaiser Family Foundation study on the implications of our kids living in a media-saturated culture. It's troubling stuff that caused this father to give thoughtful consideration of how much time we spend in front of a screen at my house.  Read on...

Kids Spend 7.5 Hours Per Day on 'Entertainment Media"

Henpecked Men in Superbowl Commercials

We live in a culture where many men experience some form of verbal emasculation on a daily basis. A few are married to cruel-hearted women who take some sick pleasure in keeping their men under their thumbs. But most guys probably have well-intentioned wives who feel that it is their responsibility to keep their husband's ego in check. (Ladies, this is a bad idea...nothing can destroy a man faster than when his wife puts him down.)

Apparently, the advertising wizards on Madison Avenue have tapped into this theme, trying to sell products by empathizing with men who experience this. And while many men can relate, I'm not sure it's healthy to make light of something so potentially destructive.  More thoughts found in an article by Jocelyn Noveck:

Henpecked Men Were a Fav Theme of Super Bowl Ads

Movie Review: "The Blind Side"

Here's a great review of the new movie "The Blindside," written by Megan Basham in World Magazine. While I recommend you see the movie, I also suggest you use it as a springboard to discuss with your kids the huge difference that we can make in the lives of others.

In the review, I particularly like the quotes by Sandra Bullock toward the end. They make great food for thought for all of us who claim to have a life that has been changed by Christ.

 

The Blinded Side

Many Reviewers Can't See Somethingto Cheer About in the Uplifting story of Michael Oher.

Reviewed by Megan Basham for World Magazine

LOS ANGELES—It's always an interesting experience as a Christian critic to attend a film preview in Los Angeles, especially when the film is as enriching and pro-Christian as The Blind Side, which relates the true story of Baltimore Ravens rookie Michael Oher.

As a poor teenager living in one of the most dangerous projects of Memphis, Oher's life changes the day Leigh Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock) sees him walking on the side of the road at night in the dead of winter in nothing but shorts and a T-shirt. Taking the Good Samaritan example to heart, Bible-believing Leigh Anne brings Michael (Quintin Aaron) home, offers him a meal and a place to sleep, and eventually, along with rest of the Tuohys, begins to see him as one of the family.

What Do You Recommend at Blockbuster?

I love a good movie. Whether it's a kid flick on a family movie night or a romantic comedy that Jen and I can enjoy after the kids go to bed, I'm always willing to pop some corn and spend 100 minutes engaging in a good story. But the sad thing is that I haven't seen too many of those lately.

The last few "family" movies we have chosen have been just stupid. And the recent "for parents only" flicks Jen and I have tried have been void of anything that would resemble redeeming value. I'm starting to wonder if Hollywood has any clue what many Americans are looking for in entertainment.

Let me be clear on something: I'm not a legalistic prude when it comes to film and story. I am willing to endure some distasteful content if it serves a higher purpose. Plus, I have my trusty Clearplay DVD Player if I want to appreciate a movie without being bombarded by profanity or skin. But I just haven't seen much recently that I can truly say: "Now that was two hours well spent!"

So I need your help...

Please use the comments section below to suggest "good movies for families" and good movies for parents." Let me know what you have seen in recent days that your family really enjoyed...and why. I'll sort through your responses and post ones that I agree with.  ;-)  Feel free to include both recent releases and timeless classics.

I'll offer the first comment and give a few of my favorites. Thanks for your help!

"Your Baby Can Read!" But Does She Need To?

In the past few days I have both seen and heard advertisements for the “Your Baby Can Read” program. It’s on TV! It’s on the radio! It’s only $199.95! And for this low, low price, your 18 month old will be reading in no time!

On the website for “Your Baby Can Read” we learn that the program’s creator, Dr. Robert Titzer, has been published in the “prestigious Psychological Review.” Apparently this means he is an expert and that we should listen to him. And give him $200.    

 

My youngest daughter just turned two. We’re working on foundational things like “say please” and “don’t take your poopie diaper off and put it on your head.” I don’t think she’s ready to read yet. Call me a bad parent, but we’re going to save reading for a later date.

 

The whole idea of a reading program for babies begs an interesting question: Not “Can babies read?” but “Should babies read?”  What’s the point? I’m quite capable of reading to her. Story time will lose some of its impact if my two-year old decides she can handle “Goodnight, Moon” or “Green Eggs and Ham” on her own.  And if she feels it is necessary to stay up on current events, she is free to watch Fox News after her daily dose of Wonder Pets. She doesn’t need to be able to read the Wall Street Journal.

When it Comes to Kids' Music Choices, Parents Must Keep Their Heads in the Game

There's a new CD by Ashely Tisdale that's climbing the Billboard chart. As one of the squeaky-clean stars in the Disney Channel universe, it's no doubt that preteen girls are buying up this release by the cartload. 

But while it would be easy as a parent to kick into auto-pilot and assume that this sweet, young lady who cut her entertainment teeth in the world of Mickey Mouse would be perfect music for their kids. You could think that, but you'd be wrong. I encourage you to look a little bit closer.

Plugged-In, a ministry of Focus on the Family, does a great job of analyzing the content and worldview of many of the artists, movies, and TV shows that are attracting our kids.  For the parent who wants to stay in touch without having to slug through their child's entire iPod library, it can be a great place to start.

Specifically, they have an excellent review of Tisdale's new CD, aptly titled "Guilty Pleasure." You can find it here.  It's quite shocking, especially based upon the music's target audience. (To explore other music and entertainment releases, the site is linked over on the left-hand column of this blog.)

One more thing...if you discover your child has an interest in music or a movie that you feel is not appropriate for him or her, DO NOT kick into book-burning mode. Instead, talk about it with your kids. While you may need to make the call for them about what they are allowed to listen to or watch, it's your responsibility to help them to learn to make wise choices on their own. You can only make choices for them for so long, so you might as well help them to start doing it now. That's the mark of a wise parent.

Be wise....

Raising G Rated Kids in an R Rated World

How to help your kids stay in the world without being of the world.(Audio quality is so-so.)

Download Raising G Rated Kids in an R Rated World

Web and Movie Resources

Before You Go to the Movies…

 

Have you ever attended or rented one of those “family movies” that is marketed to children, only to encounter content that shocks you and your kids?  A couple of great movie review websites for parents are www.screenit.comand www.pluggedinonline.org.  “Screen It” is great because it provides great detail about a variety of content issues. (One tip: To use the site for free, be sure to scroll down to the bottom of the home page and click the “NO THANKS” box.)  “Plugged-In” is a resource of Focus on the Family, so it offers a distinct Christian perspective of the movies they review.  Get “in the know” before you go!

 

Safe Surfing…

 

If you and your kids are surfing the Internet at home without some type of content protection, it’s only a matter of time before some inappropriate content pops up on your screen.  And remember, innocence is only lost once!  There are many great tools to protect your computer from pop-ups and adult content.  BSafe online (www.bsafehome.com) is a well-recommended tool that does a great job of protecting your computer from all sorts of problems.  Whatever you use, install something to protect your family from the potential hazards of the Internet.